I'm known across the east London IT channel for running a tight ship. (Some wags even suggested "tight" was the operative word after I pulled the subsidised stationery allowance. I maintain it was a shrewd piece of operational rightsizing.)

I tend to view the idea of staff perks as a slightly commie exercise in wasting money. But the munificence of Lawrence Jones, boss of hosting outfit UKFast, has well and truly boggled my tiny mind.

The channel exec is evangelical about the benefits of benefits for staff, and has gone to such lengths as giving his salesforce a swish five-day trip to Vegas. He's also hired a full-time masseuse and beauty therapist to keep his charges relaxed and a little bit fabulous.

Generous Jonesy points to the fact that his fast-growing firm is expanding its top line at about the same 30 per cent rate as the world's biggest search engine. "If firms like Google can do things like that, why can't a small business in Manchester do the same?"

Maybe its because Google grew last year to almost $40bn and UKFast grew to... well, let's say a bit less than that.

Anyway, much as I admire Larry's largesse, I shudder to think how Gord and the rest of my sales goons would react if I hired a Dodgi masseuse. An employment tribunal wouldn't be a happy ending for any of us.

Regular reader(s) can imagine my squeals of delight on stumbling upon a deeply fascinating piece of research this week revealing that golden oldies are out-teching the youngsters when it comes to shopping.

The in no way condescending or reductive "study" from Basekit.com - "the world's largest website builder", don'tcha know? (‘cause I didn't) - finds that 86 per cent of UK over-55s shop online regularly. Some 36 per cent do more shopping on the interweb than on the high street.

The ankle-biters of the 25-to-34 range are the most wary web shoppers, with 13 per cent claiming they never buy online.

Basekit also claims that "metrosexual men are catching up women in time spent shopping", with blokes spending 2.1 hours weekly doing a bit of online retail therapy, compared with a figure of 2.3 hours for the fairer sex.

So long as we're dealing in generalisations, you should remember that 99 per cent of men only shop online for swords, pies, Jason Statham DVDs and lager.

Shocking news emerged recently that English law is being enforced by a bunch of Luddites.

The Metropolitan Police spent an eye-watering £95,000 on calling directory enquiries in 2010/11, and a mind-boggling £17,000 dialling the speaking clock. Although it's perhaps worth noting these figures have been reduced from £121,000 and £18,000, respectively, in the prior year.

Clearly, bobbies are not down with the whole mobile computing business, with a Met spokesman telling the BBC: "It must be remembered that a huge number of our officers and staff will not have direct access to the internet as they are not office-based."

I guess they also leave clocks, watches and sundials in the office. And any members of the public who could give them the time.