The English channel

After 12 weeks of tasks, tantrums, tear-ups and some vaguely business-related activities, I'm sure you're all well aware by now that the inscrutable Stella English last night became the latest bright young business bod to be hired as Baron Sugarlord's Apprentice.

And, other than a hundred thousand notes a year, what awaited her at the end of this gruelling three-month test of instinct, verve and tenacity? A project management role at a system builder in St Albans. Fair enough.

After more than a decade in the big-business, bigger-money, lunch-is-for-wimps, chrome and steel corporate maelstrom that is the world of investment banking, I did wonder whether working at a Hertfordshire company that makes PCs for schools is quite what the thin-lipped executive had in mind.

But, in all fairness, Viglen are in pretty rude health after some tasty wins of late, and chief exec Bordan Tkachuk seems like a thoroughly good egg. I'm sure he gained mad props from large swathes of the country when he pointed out a few of the half-truths in Stuart Baggs' CV.

It turned out the hamster-faced 'telecoms entrepreneur' actually only possesses a licence to operate and manage two plastics cups at the ends of a piece of string. The Brand went on to receive a menacing warning from the Sugardaddy: "We know people in the Isle of Man." Oo-er.

But, anyway, let me be the first to officially say: welcome to the channel, Stella. A cool customer all the way, I reckon everyone's favourite funsize multi-millionaire has made a pretty solid choice this year, and I'm sure she'll be a fine addition to the industry.

Although I must confess vanquished finalist Chris Bates had become my fave candidate by the time the semi-finals rolled around. With the plummy voice and blank expression of an utter wally, I didn't take to the chap at first. But, as he flirted with frauleins, told the heart-rending story of his brother's doomed attempt to become a cabbie and, most impressively of all, passed up the opportunity to punch Baggs, I completely warmed to the blue-eyed investment banker.

Chris, my boy, if you fancy following Stella into the mile-a-minute world of IT solutions provision, you can come and work at Dodgi any time. And, like Sir Alan, I can promise you a six-figure salary. Just don't be upset if the first three turn out to be zeroes.