PC SQUEALER - CHANNEL TALK
Dam it all
PC Dealer has been called many things in its time but nothing could prepare us for a certain receptionist who got all confused. Just before putting your intrepid reporter through to the big boss at the company, she said: 'So that's PC Beaver then.' PC Squealer has heard of girl power but surely this is taking it a wee bit too far.
Resellers Return
Scourge of the ginger population Les Battersby, the thinking ladies' crumpet from Coronation Street, must also be a bit of a wheeler dealer since he's able to buy computer equipment at knock off prices. In a recent episode of 'TV's longest running soap', lovely Les was lamenting the fact that he'd splashed out a massive #100 on an ICL notebook for his classy daughter Toyah. Strange, don't you think, considering the damn things actually cost nigh on #800. Maybe Les should consider becoming a reseller.
Saturday nit fever
What's the connection between Computer 2000 and a load of nits? Obvious as it may seem, it's actually a clue as to why the distributor decided to change its name from Frontline. It has since emerged that floating around the market is an exciting range of flea powders which, surprisingly enough, is called - wait for it - Frontline and it can get rid of all those irritating little nits that bring you out in welts and pustules.
Apparently, bottles of the stuff have been spotted at a few reseller establishments but PC Squealer is sure that's just a nasty little lie.
Still got the blues
Top marks to LG Electronics which managed to squeeze the final dregs out of that ready-made marketing theme, the World Cup, by hosting a fantasy football-type event at Chelsea FC. Pictured here with football 'funny man' Alistair McGowen is Sherry (baby) Chapman from everyone's favourite distributor Northamber, receiving her dream league finalist trophy. PC Squealer is sure it was a bundle of laughs but there's only so much milking that can be done on one subject.
Restricted view
PC Squealer is always happy to give companies a helping hand when it comes to free-loading publicity, but we had to draw the line at this blatant piece of 'hello, please mention my company' promotion. The chap who only just manages to make the corner of the picture on the right is, in fact, the long lost brother of Datrontech's group managing director, Mark Mulford, and is a bit of an industry veteran apparently. Not to us he ain't. Now go away.
Nursing a grudge
The millennium bug raises its ugly head yet again with the latest revelation that NHS patients could be in danger because the year 2000 problem hasn't been sufficiently dealt with. Sir Alan Lang, the NHS chief executive, said he 'could not guarantee' that no patients would bite the big one as a result of computer failure.
How reassuring. But at least Tim Boswell, the Tory industry spokesman, chipped in with some words of wisdom along the lines that people receiving benefits would want to know what services would be available. Could it be that the NHS has sod all money to sort out the problem in the first place? See if you can complete this phrase, Tim: people in glass houses ...
Bubble and squeaky clean
Ahoy thar, matey. Let me tell yer sumtin. Ultima Business Systems should be very proud bein' Matey's mate since it's the best thing a pirate kin be. Ar, winnin' that thar contract with that thar beauty Sara Lee must make 'um as 'appy as the ship's mate with a bottle of rum. And all that.
Seriously though, as well as making nice cakes, Sara Lee also manufactures the all-natural bubble bath Matey, the staple of all over-30s' bath time.
Ultima is so proud of its achievement it even sent PC Squealer a lovely picture of Matey Bubble Bath to conjure up lots of nostalgia. Of course, that's when smelly little boys were made to have a bath by their mummys and not walk round smelling of old lawn shavings, like a few chaps PC Squealer could mention.
Making a dash for it
Apparently every cloud has a silver lining, but not for one poor bloke who is living under a veritable rain storm at the moment. The man in question not only recently lost his job but also scuppered his chances of owning a nice boat he could be sailing away into the sunset on. Why? The naughty little chap neglected to pay his share of the proceedings in a joint venture with his mates. From what PC Squealer can gather, this didn't go down at all well with the other two members of the venture who were eventually forced to change the name of the boat from Three's a Crowd to Dash. That second name should give you a clue as to who the chap in question is.
The channel's own answer to the Scarlet Pimpernel is used to making a quick exit since he's the same guy who had all his dirty washing dumped by his ex-wife in the lobby of a certain distribution company in return for his marital indiscretions. If anyone really wants to know who he is, a bottle of Veuve Cliquot and 200 Malboro Lights might just persuade PC Squealer to kiss and tell.
Bad heads revisited
PC Squealer was recently sent a letter which began: 'I bet you have always wondered what a wobbler is.' Look, we're all trying to forget the horror that was Comdef 98 - we don't need reminding.
Our mane man
Ilion chairman and chief executive Wayne Channon just gets more horse crazy every week. PC Squealer discovered our Wayne had been in yet another horsy competition, but only came fourth in the gymkhana event-type thing.
PC Squealer told the blond bombshell, you can't always be a winner, to which little Wayne ruefully sighed: 'I know.'
The other big issue
There's nothing like a bit of 'chirity' to warm those cold-hearted industry bods out there and what better cause to raise money for than the NCH Action for Children, which aims to stamp out homelessness by the year 2000. Andy Palmer, 3Com UK managing director, will be getting his sleeping bag out and kipping in the great wide open. Which is ironic really, considering all the homeless 3Com people there are going to be who can't pay their mortgages due to being kicked out of their jobs at the vendor. It's a funny old world, isn't it?