CHANNEL TALK - PC SQUEALER

From gigs to gigabytes

There's a whole host of stars out there in the world of pop who would be shocked to learn that they have more than a passing connection to the wonderful world of the channel. First up on the list of poptastic techy types is Max Wright, managing director of Multiple Zones, who had the absolute good fortune to manage musical sensation Dollar. Lucky Max was surrogate father to golden boy David Van Day and the queen of dubious dress sense Therese Bazar, who blessed us with such hits as Who Were You With in the Moonlight? and the catchy Mirror Mirror Mon Amour. But then Max gave it all up and ended up in the channel! At least he's safe in the knowledge that blonde himbo David Van Day went on to prove his musical talents in classy pop combo Bucks Fizz. Computer Warehouse managing director and 80s synth wizard Jonathan Cole also recently confessed that he has more then a passing acquaintance with Culture Club producer Steve Levine because he was in a band himself. Cool or what? Best of all though was Jonathan's brief association with The Buggles, who made 'Video Killed the Radio Star'.

PC Squealer was treated to Johnathan's bragging about how he used to know some of the people that played with the 80s' most infamous band. Believe us Jonathan - it's nothing to brag about.

I'll be there for you ...

Now that the chaps at RBR are richer than ever, you would have thought that joint managing director Rory Sweet would have something nice to say about his partner Ben White. But you'd be stupid. The master of understatement himself, Rory recently said in an interview with The Daily Telegraph that following the million pound acquisition of RBR by Datatec, Ben would be investing 'in a fleet of Bentleys specially modified to accommodate his bulk'. Isn't friendship a beautiful thing? Rory also said: 'It's been a laugh building RBR. I can't complain.' If only the rest of the channel could agree with him.

Speech impediment

Cisco thinks it's pretty cool, doesn't it? What with the width of its router and the length of its hardboard.

But that didn't stop it from eating humble pie as high ferlootin' Paul Mountford, managing director at Cisco, found out at a recent BT Inner Circle Conference where he nearly choked on his pride.

Paul took to the podium to deliver a no doubt interesting and stimulating presentation when he was left facing only 18 out of 150 seats. What on earth was poor old Paul to do? The answer was waiting outside the conference room in the form of a load of Bay Networks delegates, who took great delight in Paul having to request gingerly whether his arch rivals could join the meagre crowd to get more bums on seats. While PC Squealer is sure that the Bay people genuinely felt sorry for Paul, there must have been many a stifled giggle while Paul presented his talk on his paradigms that had recently shifted.

A night at the monitor

Apparently, 'throughout it's 25-year history, rock group Queen has remained at the forefront of new technology'. Which is the first PC Squealer knew about it, but then you learn something every day if you listen to PR types.

The legendary rock band, which was fronted by Freddy 'he was a great performer' Mercury, has now made the transition to the internet in the guise of ex-drummer and best-looking member of the band Roger Taylor, who has, lo and behold, launched a brand new album. So you can watch in astonishment as the Web crashes in front of your very eyes as people rush to check out Roger's new Website where - and this is the best bit - he'll be staging his first live performance in five years entitled The Cyber Gig. The beauty about this is, firstly, no one can see you when you're waving your lighter as Roger sings Who wants to live forever?. Secondly, you can simply turn the bloody thing off and hope nobody can trace what Websites you log onto.

The nerding instinct

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. What on earth was Iomega thinking when it staged a recent event about its ever so interesting technology? While the evening appeared to be going hunky-dory with beer and food a-plenty, Iomega, being the wit that it is, introduced a presentation which revealed that by using some whirling techy things, the average user could put together a video montage of their choice - or something like that. But oh, how PC Squealer's heart sank when that famous scene from the film When Harry Met Sally (you know, the one with Meg Ryan in the diner) was interchanged with shots of another infamous scene from Basic Instinct where Sharon Stone uncrosses her legs, with another shot of a naked woman rolling around on a bed with a bloke and so on. It's a shame then that the part of the audience this pathetic attempt at humour was trying to amuse, i.e. blokes like the one in the picture below, was left wondering what on earth possessed whoever was responsible for this slice of clat to include it in the evening's events. PC Squealer would like to say nice try, but we'd be lying.

There's a time and a place

The channel's answer to The Fast Show's Swiss Toni, Mr Roger Paul, UK managing director of Landis, must be spreading his feelings of lurve all over the world. While hanging on the telephone at the distributor's Dutch office, PC Squealer threw up to the 'romantic' sounds of When You're in Love with a Beautiful Woman by the world's greatest band, Dr Hook. We know that working in the channel is like making love to a beautiful woman, but there must be nicer ways to remind us.

Flushed with success

Once in a lifetime, a company comes along with an offer that is too good to miss. One particular company is offering you - yes, you the customer - the chance to invest in a Portakabin for the time when finally get your botty in gear and tackle all those year 2000 problems you've been brainwashed about. Why you would need a Portakabin for sorting out your systems is anyone's guess. But from the way vendors keep wittering on about the seriousness of that nasty millennium bug, maybe a Portaloo would be more useful.