What clients are really bringing to the table

Nitin Joshi uncovers the hidden meanings behind the phrases you may hear across the table during a business lunch.

Business lunches are a necessary evil in the channel business world. But does the chemical exercise of chewing and digesting make them worthwhile?

To get the most from working mealtimes one needs to understand the business of business table talk and the hidden meanings behind verbal exchanges.

Business lunches have their own secret code. It is known only to members of the Serial Lunchers Club, a network of sophisticates who wine and dine in the finest eateries.

I can now exclusively reveal the hidden meanings of the words and phrases used at business lunches.

Remember, a good business lunch is a lubricant to deal-making, so cut this out and wedge it under the condiments next time you dine out:

Phrase (P): Just a few points to clarify on the contract.
Hidden meaning (H): A complete re-drafting is needed.

P: Yes, 30 days' credit is fine.
H: We'll stretch it to 45 days with the usual lame excuses and irritating invoice queries over small sums.

P: I was away in India on business in Delhi and Bangalore.
H: I was on holiday.

P: So, who else is in your team?
H: Please tell me there are others.

P: I admire your punctuality.
H: Anyone who arrives for a meeting an hour early needs to get out more.

P: On a balance sheet basis, not only are we solvent but doing well.
H: But on a cashflow basis we are insolvent, which is why we haven't paid you for months.

P: Come on, there's more to life than money!
H: Please sell me the stock at zero margin so I can profit from your loss.

P: We are pleased with what you've done for us. You must do it again.
H: And for free, like the last time.

P: Can we re-cap?
H: I slept through most of the meeting, so can you tell me what we've actually agreed?

P: This contract is a runner.
H: I will do a runner once I have breached the contract.

P: What's it like being a consultant?
H: How is unemployment treating you?

P: We would like to celebrate your chairmanship by honouring you at a special award ceremony.
H: You'll get a lifetime achievement award next year if you don't retire.

P: I am asset rich.
H: I don't have any cash.

I am available for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Nitin Joshi is a partner at accountancy and business advisory firm PKF.