CHANNEL TALK - PC SQUEALER
No jetset at the Met
Welcome to PC Squealer's first column of the year. We have fought our way through the alcoholic haze of all the wonderful Christmas parties and have come back to a lager, smoke and fat free zone. While our memory may be blurred about one or two of the goings on over the Christmas period, PC Squealer thought it just had to mention MultiMedia's party, the PR company that looks after Datrontech. The event was billed as the bash of the festive season and was to be held at the Met Bar no less. Wow, we'd be able to rub shoulders with celebs such as Liam and Meg Gallagher, Bradley Walsh and Rod Hull. So with stars in our eyes, PC Squealer made the journey to the Met Bar, only to find that it wasn't the Met Bar after all. 'Oh no, I'm sorry, you're not allowed in this Bar,' said a rather pompous member of staff. 'You're in a small room away from the main bar.' Then to add insult to injury, the Not the Met Bar ran out of booze because it had to be saved for the 'proper' Met Bar. Next year, PC Squealer will think twice about attending Multimedia's party if it can't make up its mind about where it's holding it.
Gift that was nabbed
Talking of Christmas parties, if you received a Toshiba laptop in your stocking this year, then it might not be the expensive present you thought your partner had brought you. Toshiba kindly donated a laptop to give away as a prize, but before the lucky winner could claim the loot, it was found that the laptop had gone missing. The phrase "Ello Tosh, where's my Toshiba?' springs to mind. Still, now you know that when grannie said you can never trust a journalist, she was right - well as far as laptops go.
King of the online thrill
Stephen King has been forced into the mayhem of the internet world, launching his own Website after masses of bogus ones appeared. King is not a wired guy - he has spent years trying to avoid the Net. (Good for him - Ed). He doesn't spend his free time surfing the Web or hanging out in internet chat rooms, he's never published an email address for himself and his stories can't be published on internet sites without his permission. That was until now. In an effort to counter the thousands of unofficial Websites, www.stephenking.com has just made its online debut as King's official site. Unofficial sites have names such as De Nederlandse Stephen King Website, The Stephen King House O'Love, Hungarian Stephen King Headquarters and Stephen King: Childe Roland To The Dark Tower Came The Unofficial Website. Users can now browse it for information about King; a mini-autobiography of him written in part by his wife, Tabitha; past, present and future book titles, as well as information such as why he became a writer and where he gets his ideas. Surely it won't be long before Babs Cartland decides to follow suit as well.
Get the message?
Sad news reached our ears last week when we heard that a golden couple of the channel are understood to have split up. Always known as having the people that have a spanking good time at a party, the twosome is now no more. While it is not for us to speculate on why the break-up happened, we offer our condolences to the golden ones. Girl A broke her ties with Boy B. Soon after, Girl A has one too many glasses of shandy and leaves a heart-wrenching message on Boy B's answerphone begging his forgiveness.
After sobering up, Girl A regrets her action and decides to wipe the message off. She gets into the system and manages to erase her pleas for him to give her another chance, but, while doing so, hears another message from a so-called friend. 'Happy New Year (Boy B). Glad that you got rid of that neurotic cow (Girl A),' was the festive message of cheer. With friends like this who needs enemies, or partners for that matter?
Flight of fancy
Someone else who didn't have a particularly wonderful Christmastime was Christopher John Dawes, founder of Micromuse. Apparently, loadsamoney Chris embarked on a rather expensive festive shopping spree to try to purchase a hotel. It was understood that he snapped up the #415,000 Chez Andre Hotel on Alderney in the Channel Islands, writing out a #60,000 cheque as a deposit. However, on the journey home in his private helicopter, police and customs officers pounced and netted the island's first class A drug seizure. The unfortunate Dawes' #3 million helicopter and #3 million private jet were impounded and stripped by HM Customs & Excise. Two packages uncovered during the raids were being analysed pending the trial, although police have confirmed that Dawes was being charged with possession of a Class A drug and the States of Alderney Court remanded him in custody until next week. According to well-placed locals, Dawes, 39, was understood to have 'fallen in love' with the tiny Alderney and has bought several properties on the island, including the #285,000 Devereux House Hotel and #350,000 Sauchet House. He is one of the select few to own property on Alderney - Dawes has staked his claim on more than 30 of the island's 2,000 acres.
Is the truth out there?
Geeks across the nation must have thought Christmas had come again last Wednesday evening. Not only did a new series of the X Files begin, but the opening episode concerned all things IT. Mulder and Scully faced the terrifying scenario of tracking down a rogue artificial intelligence force that had got itself loose on the internet and was trying to zap its creator with a gigantic electron beam. All the big names got a mention - Bill Gates, Steve Wozniak, Steve Jobs. Even the hapless soul who got bumped off in the first five minutes of the show was described in awed tones by Mulder's long-haired computer-whizz chums as 'the man who could have been the next Bill Gates'. Being a true Xphile, PC Squealer was feeling a tad paranoid by the time we witnessed Mulder's mind being forcibly uploaded into the ether. Had the world's leading IT corporates paid vast amounts of money to the makers of the X Files just to get us used to the idea of computers controlling our every thought and move? Perhaps our Bill is envisioning a world in which everyone will be plugged directly into the Web. That would certainly put an end to any argument about who's using which internet browser and save on costly legal fees.