INDUSTRY VIEWPOINT - All I want for Christmas is...

Jamie Mullet, aged five and three-quarters, is managing director of Mullet Computers, based in the Wendy house of the Little Cuties nursery, Reading. He asks Father Christmas for 10 things that will make life in the channel better in 1999.

Dear Father Christmas,

My mummy told me to write to you so that you can help me.

I know that you are very busy at Christmas time, sorting out all the other girls and boys with their problems and having to make lots of presents with the elves, but it would be really neat and cool if you could help me.

I have tried to be a really good dealer this year and not rip off too many of my customers. To make it easier for you to read, I have written a list of 10 points.

1) Please can you make Dell go bust? It is ruining my life and makes me cry as all my vendors feel that they have to sell direct. But they shouldn't because this is very nasty. I can't compete against that. It's just so unfair.

2) All I want for Christmas is a two per cent margin. I would like to make some money so that I am able to go down the shop every day after school to buy some sweets. At the moment, I still have to go to my mummy and ask for some pocket money because there is absolutely no margin in selling PCs.

3) Will you please settle the Microsoft/Department of Justice case? It is very boring and I hate seeing Bill Gates' face in PC Dealer every week. And besides, we all know that nothing is going to happen to Microsoft - it will still be horrible to its loyal dealers.

4) Free Web space. All my little play friends are putting their businesses on the Net and I think I should do it too. But I'm not very good at drawing, so I can't make up a Website.

5) More soft dollars. All the vendors and distributors are being really mean and holding back all their soft dollars. But I need more. They think that dealers just put the soft dollars on our bottom line. Now, how stupid is that?

6) Trustworthy vendors. Why is it that most vendors employ Del Boy type sales people that read you a bedtime story one week, but then change the ending of the story the next week. It would be nice if all stories could finish with a fairy tale ending, you know, when the Fairy Godmother waves her magic wand and grants the wish to make all the badness disappear.

7) More than 30 days' protection. It is very hard having to key all the figures into my computer every 30 days, as I can only type with one finger. But if we had 356-day price protection, I wouldn't have to bother to change the prices of the equipment.

8) Another mass hysteria issue like the year 2000. Next year is going to be fab as we will charge our customers lots and lots of money giving them consultancy on the problems of the nasty millennium bug.

9) Distributors that don't answer their phones. I find it very annoying when I ring distributors on my chatterbox that they never answer the phone. It just rings and rings and rings. It's just rude.

10) Tickets for Euro Disney. All this corporate hospitality really upsets me as it is never the real fans that get to go to the events. No one took me to the World Cup. I am a true fan because I watch Match of the Day each week - when my mummy lets me stay up. It's about time that companies choose the nice people to go on their trips not just the ones that spend lots of money with them.

I will leave carrots out for the reindeer and a small glass of sweet sherry at the foot of my chimney so that you can refresh yourself on Christmas.

After all, it must be hard work visiting all the houses in one night.

I hope that you can help,

Lots of love, Jamie Mullet