Channel talk
Some companies will use any excuse to generate interest in its wares and Xerox is no exception. In the run-up to Valentine's Day, the printer worlds' answer to Cilla Black had commissioned a survey to see how many relationships spark up in the office. The survey, entitled Emale or Female?, presents titbits like '80 per cent of people have had a fling at work with technology playing a significant role'. PC Squealer can't begin to imagine what role technology played exactly. Maybe it refers to the drunken clerk who photocopies his hairy white arse to send to the woman of his dreams.
Xerox continued: 'It won't be long before couples say, "our eyes met across a Xerox printer".' What Xerox thinks is a novel way of presenting itself - a fun-loving, caring company - could be the saddest example of product association the industry has seen. You decide.
Everyone knows Mark Mulford, MD of Datrontech. Some people see him as a man of culture, others view him as a man of taste, while PC Squealer sees him as Phil Mitchell from EastEnders. Anyway, there are many sides to this sensitive chap and at least he lets you know what he's thinking - doesn't his picture just say it all? PC Squealer was going to come up with lots of amusing captions but thought we'd let the pic speak for itself. However, if any of you witty channel people (there must be some out there) can think of a caption for what Mark might be saying or thinking then feel free to send in suggestions to us here at the newsdesk. We're sure you have plenty of free time.
If there is such a thing as a perfect crime then big Billy Gates getting a pie in the puss has to be it. Just in case you were laughing so hard you couldn't read what really happened to our very own little American pie, Bill had been visiting EU officials when a lovely big cream puff was hurtled at him. Anyway, just to prove what a good sport he is, Bill is now doing his best to laugh off the prank, although it is understood that he nearly boo-hooed and started asking for his mummy. PC Squealer has no doubt that you channel bods were laughing your botts off. Revenge really is a pie best eaten cold.
Some people use the internet as a means of satisfying their needs, while others see it as a source of entertainment, but the Canon of Bradford Cathedral has taken it one step further. Our dog-collared friend thinks the internet is actually an incarnation of that white bearded old man in the sky - God. Canon Smith believes there is nothing the internet doesn't know, and looking into the screen of the PC is just like looking into the mind of the Almighty. Now there's no way Squealer is accusing Canon Smith of being one can short of a six pack, but Haddon Willmer, Professor of Theol*ogy at Leeds, did not take kindly to our man of the cloth's comments and said: 'We shall be cut down by God if we think of the internet as a God'- whatever that means. Anyway, PC Squealer refuses to place its faith in such a notion. Why would God torture us by making us read so much poop?
Distributor Unity has now found a way to get back at all its vendors - through a simple game of football.
PC Squealer can just see it now - men with beer bellies running around a park, using three-piece suits for goal posts. Unity has arranged the games as part of IT Relief and assorted Shearer wannabees at 3Com were the first lucky chappies to take them on. It was also lovely to see the ladies pitching in as the Unity Spice Girl cheerleaders demonstrating that women's lib continues to make progress in the channel. As it turns out, 3Com whooped Unity's arses 2-0, which may be an allegory for everyday life - who knows. But the best news was that the evening raised #700 for charity. PC Squealer is sure the mighty Unity won't crumble so badly under the rest of the vendors.