CHANNEL TALK - PCSQUEALER
Fishy business
We would all assume that the announcement of ISP's listing on the AIM index would be newsworthy and of interest to all of you avid PC Squealer fans. However, the information that landed in our remarkably clean sty was not what it seemed. The AIM flotation of ISP - a 'specialist e-commerce group' - was, in fact, none other than that famous multinational - International Seafood Products. It is, apparently, the supplier of 'premium quality game fish' and it has, apparently, used e-commerce to revolutionise its business, allowing it to 'guarantee continuous availability of high value, high margin, fresh line-caught game fish'.
Lloyd Lecuona, managing director of ISP, added: 'We anticipate that the introduction of our electronic trading system into this market will make a dramatic impact - perhaps as great as that which Amazon.com has brought to the book retailing market.' Lecuona does appear to hold out rather a lot of hope for people ordering their smelly fishy snacks online, although we're not too sure how those good folks at Royal Mail are going to feel about lugging half the contents of the North Atlantic around in their postbags. Unfortunately, there was no confirmation of when the company would be confirming its plaicing on the index.
Sonic boom ploy
BT appears to have adopted an interesting policy towards its staff. A number of operators at the telecoms giant have been suffering from deafening 'acoustic shocks', according to The Times. One of the operators recounted a typical blast: 'When the shocks happened, I had a physical pain at the back of my ears and down into my back.'Ouch! So is this the latest method of staff training, or some kind of management tool? Maybe the thinking is that if staff can't hear each other, they can't rabble rouse? Or perhaps it's just to prevent boredom. Whatever it was, BT has had to pay through the nose for it. A group of operators have received more than £250,000 damages for the shocks. One man apparently suffered loss of hearing, constant tinnitus and difficulties with balance. But there is still no proper explanation of the high-pitched eruptions of sound. The full list of symptoms includes panic attacks, chronic phobic reactions, hair loss, headaches, earaches and disorientation. So what was BT's response? Well, apparently the phenomenon is 'exceptionally rare', but it doesn't know what the sonic attacks are. Well, all we can say at PC Squealer is a) Honest guv, it wasn't us, b) Perhaps BT should just supply the operators with ear plugs and c) Just bear this in mind the next time get you get bad treatment from Directory Enquiries - it now has a weapon.
Porn-again Christian
Another interesting titbit in this week's events was that Mark Tronson, a Baptist minister and chaplain to the Australian Cricket Board, has decided to remove his Christian erotica site from the Net. I'm sorry - his what?
Apparently, innocent young Tronson, being a right on kinda God fella, decided that your average everyday Christian deserved a bit of the old top-shelf action, since everybody else seemed to be getting their fair share. So he produced his very own Website of lurrrve. Now, obviously your average Christian type doesn't go trawling round the Net looking for porn (Obviously? - Ed), but the topic had piqued the Aussie's interest after the Australian government decided to limit access to porn. So, naturally, this inspired the curious curate to do a bit of, ahem, research. After presumably hours of exhausting research, young Mark decided that he was flabbergasted, and at this point he came upon his revelation - Christian porn. He produced five erotic stories for the site, which were a wholesome alternative to the heretic titillation he had previously discovered. Tronson's inspiration apparently came from the erotic poetry in the Song of Solomon and was to be a 'celebration of marital sex within a biblical context'. Yeah, right! Within four days, he'd had 3,000 hits, apparently mostly from young Christians. However, Tronson has found that he has started receiving requests for more stories, advice, and questions of an intimate nature. Declining his chance at fame as the latest Dr Ruth, the right-on rev has decided to can the whole operation.
He was particularly worried about 'fuelling pornographic addiction among Christians'. Not surprisingly, Christian leaders have questioned the prudence of the entire project. But we're not too sure - it would certainly make a visit from the Jehovah Witnesses a lot more interesting.
Indian getaway
According to research from Gartner Group, one of the countries least likely to suffer from millennium bug problems is India. The main reason is that the country has one of the world's largest cores of highly trained IT staff - who have all consequently legged it from India to sell their skills to the highest bidder around the world for sorting out year 2000 dilemmas. The result? Andy Kyte, director of research at Gartner, says: 'It's not that the millennium problem has been solved, it's just that many of the programmers have not been there to create the problems.'
A display at the races
They say horse-racing is the sport of kings, and most attendees of Ladies Day at Ascot made the effort to uphold that most British tradition of sartorial splendour in a manner appropriate for the royal meeting. When it comes to girls wearing hats and blokes dressed as penguins, nobody is better at it than the Brits. Under the dubious auspices of contact building, PC Squealer sent along some representatives (courtesy of Network Associates) who made every effort to fit in with the traditional attire.
Which is more than can be said for this sorry chap. One can only assume that upon being told that 'you won't be allowed in if you're wearing anything scruffy', he promptly decided that the only option was to pop along in his birthday suit.
Yes Network Distributor
You may think a job in networking distribution would have its fair share of political baggage, but none more so than in the case of Bernie Dodwell.
While Dodwell is known as the UK business development and marketing manager of network security distributor Allasso, few people know his dark secret - that he was the inspiration behind one of the characters in the BBC sitcom Yes Prime Minister. Before he plunged into the cut throat world of IT, Bernie spent eight years pushing pens in the civil service. Well, to be more accurate, he was a private secretary to Lord Eric Varley, then Secretary of State for Industry, and his successor Sir Keith Joseph. BBC researchers turned to Bernie for an insight into what really happens behind closed doors down Whitehall, and were so enthralled by his tales that they decided to name Bernard Woolley, Jim Hacker's private secretary, after him. Bernie says: 'It's strange to think there's a character that's based on me. Who knows, in a few years' time you could see a new smash-hit sitcom - an expose on the scandalous world of network security.' Well, maybe.