CHANNEL TALK - PCSQUEALER
Don't do it yourself
Hold your horses there 90s men. We're not biased here at PC Squealer, so you'll be glad to know some other company did a survey about chaps and how they deal with data disasters. It would seem that women are more inclined to call in someone to help if something goes wrong with a PC, whereas men prefer to muddle through and fix it themselves. Aren't you valiant? A chap at the company which undertook the survey said, while the male approach was more honourable, it was not the best way to retrieve lost data. But he would say that considering he works for a data recovery firm. You'll have to try harder than that, pal.
It's going on, so it's going in
Those media darlings at RBR have been at it again, but this time Rory, Ben and co have reached the height of sophistication by appearing in The News of the World. Under the strangely fitting headline 'That's slum success', the guys get to talk about all their money. Fact-hungry readers can stuff their faces with titbits such as the time, on the eve of an important meeting, those wacky joint managing directors Ben and Rory went out and got really, really drunk while eating a curry. The two pranksters woke up the next morning - and forgot where they'd put the car! Still in the same curry-ridden clothes, stinky Ben and Rory turned up to the meeting and managed to win the deal, netting Rory a cool #110,000 with which he splashed out on a Ferrari 355. That's alright then. In this heart warming rags-to-riches story, the guys set up business in a hovel to sell discarded computers - not Cisco, of course: that deal came much later when their systems began selling like 'hot cakes'. And the rest, as they say, is hours worth of channel gossip.
The drive of your life
If you happen to be in the Chessington area in the next few weeks, you may spot Cupid flying over the roof of Northamber.
The reason? Northamber financial director Marilyn Lee recently tied the knot with like-minded maths whiz city slicker Graham Cole, corporate finance director at Beeson Gregory. Imagine the discussions they have round the breakfast table: 'Good morning, darling. While you were in the shower I solved the theory of perpetual motion.' 'Well done sweetheart, now pass the sugar.' Apparently Cole, who has just lost his driving licence for drink driving, was joking about Marilyn's expertise behind the wheel and saying people reckoned he only married her because she was still allowed near a car. Nice.
Thank god its not real
There were photo opportunities aplenty at Lexmark's joint product launch with Agfa. The event was held at Madame Tussaud's and PC Squealer's mouth was simply watering at the prospect of witnessing assorted bevvied-up channel reps caught in compromising positions with their waxy heroes.
But sadly, everyone was on their best behaviour, until we caught up with the gruesome trio pictured here. Lexmark's Tony Hall (left) and Agfa's Nick Mongston had heard the ginger motormouth was looking for some cheap publicity and were only too happy to oblige. Some people will do anything to get their picture in the papers.
Girls online
It doesn't matter how much PC Squealer takes the mickey out of some of the ridiculous press releases we're sent, you just keep 'em coming. Top of the list this week was Buena Vista and Cable & Wireless' joint survey on British women's attitude to the internet. In a set of results that shows big corporate companies focusing on the issues that really matter, the findings reveal that Nelson Mandela is the top choice for who British woman would like to chat to on the Web. In second place is George Clooney, coming in at third is that left-wing Cheshire cat himself, Tony Blair, and flying in like a ginger typhoon in fourth place is Chris Evans. And just in case the release is being read by a woman, it repeats these facts a staggering four times in total. Thanks ever so. Also revealed in this riveting use of corporate resources is that 23 per cent of the woman surveyed thought the internet was much too complicated for their poor little heads to understand and so declined to use it, while 17 per cent don't believe there's anything of interest on the Web. If only there was a Website devoted to cooking, sewing, kittens and cushions.
Stocks and suspenders
What are the most popular Websites on the internet? Stock sites and porn sites. And what better way to keep your users happy then to incorporate them both. As unbelievable as this may seem, some witless buffoon on the internet has brought the two together under the banner of 'Sexquotes'.
Not only can all those fat corporate cats out there watch their money grow or sink, but they can also gawp at ladies' breasts. Ah, the wonders of modern technology. Also, just to bring a bit of spice to the proceedings, millions of sad sods out there who are frantically searching through the internet as we write, can choose whether they like their porn PG, triple X-rated, hardcore or involving a donkey called Ned. Sad, sad, sad.
Monimal magic
PC Squealer is rather worried to report that since we published pictures of 'Monimals', the cute furry PC coverings have taken the channel by storm.
Just in case you've forgotten what Monimals are, you can stick the cute furry PC coverings on your computer to liven it up, but only if you're the sort of person who still lives with their mum and thinks Last of the Summer Wine is funny. While PC Squealer loves receiving letters, these ones scared us, quite frankly.
Tell us something we don't know
Now this may surprise you, but according to a company that specialises in year 2000 compliance, most companies aren't doing nearly enough in sorting the problem out. What a revelation. And the reason for this, says some bloke at a year 2000 specialist, is 'ignorance'. Or maybe it could be something to do with companies that are sick of being brainwashed by the same poop every single week.