PC SQUEALER
Flower PowerPC
New York company Freeverse has devised possibly the most useless add-on for all discerning peripherals junkies. The iVase sticks to the side of iMac monitors using 'proprietary suction technology'.
So, according to the company blurb, you'll never tire of putting roses in your CD-Rom drive or grow weary of sticking begonias in your USB port. But the concept of the iVase seems to well and truly pigeon-hole all modern-day Apple users. Because it's likely that you have a penchant for tie-dye and drive a VW Beetle (new type), it has been deemed that the thing your brand-new, gorgeous iMac is missing is not a floppy drive, but a flower holder. And because you're such a colour-conscious old hippie, the iVase matches every colour of the iMac - presumably so it doesn't mess up your Feng Shui. It made PC Squealer wonder what other delights users have in store - flared speakers, lava-lamp monitors or possibly even a Hammond organ-style keyboard?
A bit Belo the belt
Boy, those guys at Eidos are just harder than nails.
Our piggy tails simply curled with delight when we saw an email from Simi Belo, senior PR manager at Eidos, regarding a demo for the upcoming Slave Zero. It was emailed to the press and there was lots of stuff about cover disks and exclusivity which, of course, we're extremely interested in because our motivation goes much further than just getting a free copy of the latest game. However, we were put firmly in our place by the mighty bellowing Belo, who wrote: 'I'd like to take this moment to remind you that you have to seek our written permission to use our demos ... it will all end in tears if you fail to do this.'
Chronic of the future
The Sunday Times' Chronicle of the Future included a future news supplement for the period 2020 to 2029 - and boy, were there some worrying predictions. Among other things, the supplement predicted that Silicon Valley will become a 'rust belt' as the technology gold rush moves out of the US, and forecast software that will allow you to design your own body. But these predictions paled into insignificance alongside the prospect of seeing Sir Peter Mandelson as president of the European Union, male pregnancy and the 2028 Stevenage Olympics. However, we suggest this scaremongery should be taken with at least a large handful of salt. If what was predicted 20 years ago really had happened, then the richest man on the planet would probably be some geeky programmer, there would be irrefutable evidence of global warming and the US president would be caught with his trousers down. Gulp!
The man with the Golding gun
Are there some top secret goings-on at GE Capital IT Solutions (GECITS) that PC Squealer doesn't know about, or what? Our suspicions were aroused following a recent conversation with double agent Jeremy Golding, the soon-to-depart chief executive of GECITS in the UK. When asked to explain the structure of GECITS' senior management, Golding suddenly became all evasive and said he didn't have a licence to talk. He spookily replied: 'It's not something I can talk to you about over the phone.' Despite the persistence of our reporter, he refused to elaborate on the subject or why he couldn't talk about it over the phone. Instead, Golding insisted the journo in question arrange a time to meet to discuss matters further before hastily hanging up. The incident sent our reporter's imagination into overdrive. Whose side is Golding really on and is the replacement chief executive, Henrik Funch, M or Ernst Stavro Blofeld in disguise? Either way, you can be assured that PC Squealer is on the case. Oh, Information Technology - such a hotbed of intrigue.
Never mind, Jeremy - as they say, tomorrow never dies.
All starred with the same brush
Microsoft has the much-mimicked 'Where do you want to go today?' and Compaq has the short but perfectly formed 'Better answers', but German PC software company ARI DATA has come up with a real gem of a company motto. The line 'A star is born in the software sky' made us wonder what sort of star it would turn out to be, especially since the company is offering a brand spanking new Mercedes SLK to star salespeople. Will it be the bright North Star variety that shines its light on everything, or the black hole sort that swallows everything that comes into its path before collapsing in on itself?
Feeling yacht yacht yacht
The Ingram Micro Roadshow partners' dinner aboard the Royal Yacht Britannia in Edinburgh proved to be the perfect warm-up event for the booze cruise ... er, sorry, Comdef. The food, conversation and, of course, drink flowed freely and there was gossip aplenty - most of which is unprintable.
But the majesty of the surroundings seemed to be wasted on some of the guests. After being ordered not to smoke on the deck 'because it would simply ruin the Burma teak', some stood huddled on the gang plank, tentatively sipping their Bollinger as they tried to shield themselves from the bitter wind blowing off the Firth of Forth. And there was an abundance of rugger songs as the coach wound its way through picturesque Leith and back to the hotel for more shenanigans - but that's strictly off the record!
Michael Floatley
As PC Squealer reclined back in its seats on a flight to (name drop, name drop) Monte Carlo, thankful that we'd managed to get on a flight despite turning up to check in three hours late, we decided to flick through the in-house flight magazine. Just to make sure we hadn't been scooped by it, of course. As luck would have it, we were. There on the centre spread was a massive black and white picture of Mike Norris, showing off in all his glory. In true investigative style, the article told us of Norris' roots as an Essex boy, which meant he could have ended up as a wide boy, a safe blower or a burglar. Looks like he made the right choice by becoming the chief executive of Computacenter, then, seeing that he made rather a lot of money out of the reseller's flotation on the Stock Exchange.
In fact, Norris goes on to tell Business Life: 'I loved the flotation process. It was six months of hard work and so many people said I'd be worn out. There were tedious bits but it turned out to be the most exciting thing I have done in my life - it was just fantastic. A lot of people say they loved their wedding day - you are a star for the day, with everybody clapping and looking at you. The flotation gave me the same feeling, only 100 times better.' Now, while it is unfortunate that Norris has since split from his wife because she didn't 'want the life of a millionairess with the liberties that friends and people can take from that', PC Squealer couldn't help thinking that Norris' feelings about flotation were similar to those of someone else. Do the words Boy George, nice cuppa tea and sex mean anything to anyone?