CHANNEL TALK - PC SQUEALER
May the farce be with you
The much anticipated Linux users' march on Microsoft turned out to be more of a village fete than a 'world unites against big 'orrible software company' type affair. If you don't know what this is all about, where have you been? In what must already be a contender for the most over-hyped event of 1999, Linux users from all over the world planned to arrive at Microsoft's offices and demand refunds for the Windows operating system they didn't want, but had to pay for anyway when they bought their PCs. Linux, in case you didn't know either, is a rival operating system that is free to download from the internet. At Microsoft's Silicon Valley campus, the atmosphere was more tea and cakes than tete-a-tete. About 100 Linux junkies arrived at the offices, only be greeted by an 8ft banner proclaiming: 'Microsoft welcomes the Linux community.' Executives from Microsoft then proceeded to hand out refreshments of lemonade and iced tea to the weary pilgrims. PC Squealer has yet to confirm reports that raffle tickets were handed out before the judging of the vegetable competition commenced and the bouncy castle opened, but apparently one bloke arrived in an Obi-Wan Kenobi outfit.
Maybe he took a wrong turn on the way to the Star Wars convention on the other side of town? A source at Microsoft UK confirmed that tea and biscuits had been prepared at its Reading campus, but the turnout by disgruntled Linux users was, it turned out, nil.
Good Evans
Nick Mongston, sales and marketing manager at Agfa, is such a media darling that he will go to extraordinary lengths to get a mention in the press.
The last time he met with PC Squealer at a product launch in Madame Tussauds, our Nick grabbed the opportunity to get a picture of his mug onto the renowned Channel Talk page by posing with a waxwork of ginger motormouth, Chris Evans. But he managed to go one better recently when he took one of our investigative reporters to trendy Soho restaurant Titanic. About halfway through the meal, who should walk in but the real life carrot-top himself.
Nick appeared just as starry-eyed as the rest of us when Mr Evans took his place at the next table, but our reporter remains convinced that it was all part of an elaborate and cunning plan.
Just the bob-a-job
And speaking of Agfa, the company is certainly planning to reach its customer base long-term.
The digital products division has revealed that it is to sponsor the Cub Scouts' Information Technology badge and will even get its name onto the little embroidered prize. The news was met with gasps of amazement all around the office. Companies are sponsoring badges?
Yeah, it was only a matter of time, but the Cub Scouts have an IT badge?
When we were young, we considered ourselves lucky if we could get a punctured football and couple of bits of old string to pass a couple of hours in a dusty church hall, but it seems that these days you can't get a look in unless you've got a Pentium II and few spare meg's of Ram. Eee - kids today don't know they're born.
Pause that thought
Irony of the week is that Sony Broadcast and Professional are planning to take a journalist all the way to Salzburg for one day, to witness the launch of their latest video conferencing gizmo. Now call us cynical, but isn't video conferencing supposed to lower the cost of communicating by removing distance barriers, which means we don't have to jump on an aeroplane every time we need to speak to someone in another country?
An apology - of sorts
PC Squealer would like to say sorry to a poor company executive, who finished up on the harsh end of a wild goose chase when one of our reporters mistook his company for the one he was actually trying to track down.
We can't go into too many details as we have to protect the identities of those involved, but suffice to say that the hack walked away that day with his tail firmly between his legs, while the poor guy at the other end of the phone must have been, frankly, bemused. All we can say in our defence is, come on, let's have a little more imagination and differentiation when deciding on company names. Confused? We hope so.
With these Valentine's cards you're really spoiling us
At a time of disappearing margins in the channel, one vendor came up with the ultimate SPIFF for its distributor - Valentine's cards. Instead of showing the money, remote access vendor Traveling Software, thought it would be a good idea to turn up unannounced and shower sales staff at Computer 2000 with cards and heart-shaped balloons.
Then it thought it would be an even better idea to issue a press release boasting about it. Sources close to the fax machine could not confirm that there were higher margins to be had in the Valentine's Day business than in IT distribution, but it left PC Squealer wondering how long it would be before Traveling Software is forced to start selling direct.
A prince among storage
CMS Peripherals is getting in the ring to beat the backup out of the competition. We received an invitation - or challenge - from the storage distributor to come and face 'the Prince Naseem of Storage'. No, they weren't talking about marketing manager Tony Temple, but a development in storage technology meant to knock us out. The comparison with Naz comes from the product being 'small, immensely powerful, and having the flexibility of a really bendy thing'. We hope it's not from being too big for its boots and liable to go down at any time. PC Squealer issues its own challenge to CMS - come and have a go if you think you're 'ard enough.
Website of the Week
Continuing with last week's animal theme, PC Squealer has the pleasure of introducing this week's Website. www.clearlight.com/\~kid/whales/wsounds.html.
It's a bit of a mouthful, but we're sure you'll think its worth the effort, especially if you're a stressed-out executive in need of some well deserved relaxation.
According to the site, 'whale sounds are often described as a cry, howl, whistle, or song'. Whatever they are, we're sure you'll find them much more agreeable than the sound of your boss at the end of a bad day. And if you find whale sounds scary, there's some human sounds as well, and even an instrumental version of Men At Work's antipodean classic Land Down Under. Now, what more could you want from a Website?