Chris Long: It's tough being a journalist

Well, thank goodness Christmas is over. For most journalists, Christmas in the computer industry is always a bit unsettling.

To start with, for some bizarre reason it is perfectly normal to get invited to hundreds of parties thrown by PR companies we haven't heard of.

Unfortunately this is where we, the journalists, make total idiots of ourselves. If it isn't blurting out our undying love to the beautiful PR type (male or female) or punching a colleague (interesting how it is rarely punching a PR person), then it's being sick over someone important.

For us, the two or three weeks before Christmas are like having an office party every night - and it's just as dangerous.

Although, it has to be said, the party scene has changed over the years, the real lavish parties seem to have died out. I remember one party some 11 years ago where all the stops were pulled out. Obviously it was free booze, but there was a big choice - not just the cheapest European lager they could lay their hands on. There were cocktails and even the cigarettes were free, plus there was a sumptuous food thing and disco dancing at the end, too.

There just isn't anything like that anymore, which is just as well. The industry is precarious enough without splashing out thousands and thousands of pounds to get a bunch of journalists so drunk they punch each other.

And the postman is bound to be pleased as well ... oh, hold on, we don't call them postmen any more do we? Although, I'm thinking, 'post operative' sounds more like something you'd be suffering after surgery, and 'post person' is either someone you tie your horse to, or dead.

So the postman (or postwoman) is bound to be pleased Christmas is over too. What is strange is the number of Christmas cards that have 'All the best from all at So and So agency' and are signed at the bottom with a bunch of multicoloured 'Best wishes' squiggles which I assume are the staff signatures.

Alas I've generally never heard of So and So agency, which doesn't bode well for either their marketing skills or their clients. And then there are the odd presents - the 'hangover kits', the lumps of cheese, the chocolates, the Christmas hampers and the Christmas cards with sweets glued to them.

But what we don't get anymore are the really useful things. Like, for example, a calendar that has a whole year on one page. I mean, that isn't too much to ask for is it; just one calendar that has all 12 months-at-a-view that can sit on top of my monitor and remind me what week it is.

But does anyone send a useful gift like that - do they heck.

So Christmas for the modern journalist is receiving useless things through the post from people we don't know, and at the same time going to their parties where we are either punched or get our faces slapped.

And still no 12 months-at-a-view calendar. Thank goodness Christmas is over.