Worldwide microWeb

It's 'the world's first kitchen appliance to be connected to the internet', said the Evening Standard. That's rather like announcing the world's first self-propelled sewing machine, I thought, until I remembered Citroen had got there first with the 2CV.

So I smiled and ripped the page out of the paper (even though it wasn't mine), figuring that NCR's Microwave Bank - a microwave oven with built-in PC and modem - should make some easy copy.

I prepared a few quips. Would you come home to find hackers heating pies in your kitchen? Would kids tell their teachers 'I couldn't do my homework because mum was baking a potato'? Couldn't the designers have dispensed with the microwaves and just used the heat from the Pentium chip?

Having a microwave with a touch-sensitive screen for Net access, home accounting, shopping lists and recipes seemed like one of those spoof nearly-good ideas that Viz magazine used to print - like taking your dustbin to the supermarket so you know what you've run out of.

Previous attempts to interest us in intelligent appliances have fallen flat. Microsoft At Work, which aimed to put a Windows interface on photocopiers and water coolers, died a death. And Bob Frankenberg was ousted from Novell for wanting to put chips in toasters (because, as everyone knows, you put chips in a deep fat fryer, and a chief executive who can't tell one appliance from another is obviously not up to the job).

However, the fact that something hasn't been done before doesn't mean it won't catch on. If we had told our grandparents that one day there would be washing machines that dried clothes, or cars that told you the route, or domestic gas boilers that sold electricity back to the National Grid, or even boxes that used radio waves to heat pies, they would have thought we were dotty. Of course, no family wants a microwave-computer yet. They'd be quite happy with a conventional PC that's easy to use and doesn't throw a wobbly just after the phone support bods have gone home.

But we already accept telephones in the kitchen and TV sets in the bedroom.

So is it really so far-fetched to expect internet access from every room in the house? This could include the smallest room, as it's the most appropriate place to peruse much of what's on the Web.

Whether the microwave is the ideal place to put a computer is debatable - you wouldn't want to have to live on salad just because there was a bug in Internet Explorer. But it is the right size and shape, and it saves you having to install another plug socket.

Of course, the issue for you guys will be who sells these things. Will you have to retrain your salesforce in the finer points of sauces and souffles, or will your customers start popping into Curry's whenever they want a 20-user network? Perhaps you should engage Delia Smith on a retainer before she signs an exclusive with one of your competitors.