Well, IS it or ISN'T it?
When physicists get stumped for an explanation of some natural phenomenon, they generally blame it on 'antimatter' (which, as far as I can see, has no definition except that it can't be explained by conventional physics).
By the same token, I can never see the acronym IS (Information Systems) without wondering about ISN'T. As the invisible antithesis of IS, the concept of ISN'T could explain a lot of what goes in the computer industry.
If the opposite of base metal is precious metal, the ISN'T equivalent of a database must be a dataprecious, which would contain all the information which would bring competitive advantage to a business.
Then there's the impersonal computer. This would be a dull grey box which ran the same software as millions of other grey boxes and produced identical output ... oh, that really is a PC.
I've been doing some research into ISN'T, and have begun compiling the first ISN'T Dictionary. Here's a sample:
Prole-to-prole network - A peer-to-peer network for commoners.
Deskbottom - That you get if you spend too long at your desktop.
Push-up menu - Ta programme of exercises for people who have spent too long using pull-down menus and develop deskbottom.
Unreal time - The performance estimates for a real time system.
Fault intolerance - what users manifest if you don't have a fault-tolerant system.
Backdown - What the system manager does when the system crashes and there's no backup.
Outernet - The fate in store for anyone who can't afford an Internet connection.
Offline service provider - An online service provider with not enough modems.
Macrocomputer - A microcomputer with the necessary power to run a user-written macro.
Spreadblanket - A spreadsheet that's got too big. Downgrade the effect on system performance of a software upgrade.
Contraction card - An expansion card with the end chopped off to fit it in the slot.
Disfunction keys - The opposite of function keys.
Stay away key - For when you can't face pressing the return key.
Anorak - A Mac for people who aren't artistic.
Finally, if there is software, the laws of ISN'T dictate that there must also be the following:
Softwhere - The perfect package which everyone is convinced exists but no one has ever found.
Softwhat - The package that comes free with every PC but no one can find a use for.
Softwhen - The indefinitely delayed release of the core software on which you run your business.
Softwhy - The question as to why, when it costs too much and is always going wrong, we need IS in the first place. Maybe this proves that ISN'T is, after all.
Paul Bray is a freelance IT journalist