Dress to impress

Right, that's quite enough gangstas, crime and blue movies - it's high time I gave my attention to a story just for the laydeez.

It's a well-worn and reductive cliché that all women, everywhere, ever have a little black dress somewhere in their wardrobe. But little did they all know that the one thing missing from this staple garment has been a miniature mobile phone.

I can only imagine the female of the species' unbridled delight at hearing news that London fashion company CuteCircuit has made an LBD with a built-in antenna. Wearers can receive calls by raising their hand to their ear and speaking into their wrist. Sort of like Rain Man, with better social skills, I imagine.

Actually, I've had quite enough of exploring my feminine side now. And what I really want to know is when will someone make a jockstrap that doubles up as an MP3 player?