Doom with a view

This week I was shocked, frightened, intrigued and discombobulated to read the latest staggeringly precise figures from channel researcher Plimsoll.

Apparently 259 - count 'em - small channel firms are selling less than last year, with 204 "vulnerable to takeover".

Plimsoll's resident prophet of doom David Pattison said: "We have 82 companies with a Danger rating... I fear a high proportion will fail."

However do they get such specific info? They must have spies on every street corner. Am I vulnerable to takeover? Surely I'd know if I were, right?

I think I'm losing my mind. Time to lie down in a darkened room and have Her Indoors bring me some scotch broth. See you in a bit. I hope...