Waitwatchers

I was delighted to get groundbreaking research this week from a company claiming to be one of the UK's foremost "telematics experts" (no, me neither).

Trimble (whose founder clearly hasn't rested on his laurels since ascending to the House of Lords - probably) claims that the average UK resident spends 15 years of their life waiting in for things to be delivered or fixed. Trimble exec Andrew Yeoman claimed Joe Public is starting to get cheesed off.

"For the average person, taking half a day off work is not feasible," he opined.

He added that research suggests that bears prefer to defecate in copses or similar wooded areas.

Trimble predicts that by next year, all firms everywhere will be clamouring to give disgruntled customers delivery times precise to the second. All fuelled by a revolutionary appointment technology from some tech firm or other.

Great! I only wish I could remember its name. Tremble? Trumpet? Trendall? Tinkle? If I think of it, I'll let you know.