Helpful pointers

Among the catcalling, bloodlust and casual misogyny at CRN Fight Night this year were a few titbits of gossipy gold.

I learnt of two very well-known distribution faces who share a love-hate relationship. Except without the love. I also heard of another distribution player who employs female hygiene products in a bizarre attempt to keep his winklepickers as pointy as pointy can be. (No, really).

The after-party was just as juicy. One amorous jumper-clad reveller courted my female staff with his wedding ring that wasn't really a wedding ring. Honest. Another lovelorn chap employed more direct tactics, locking the apple of his eye in a headlock before attempting to engage in a bit of tonsil tennis.

This sounds eerily redolent of the techniques employed by our Gordon. He calls it the Upney Cuddle.