Leave it out

Draconian as it may sound, I've banned my staff from taking annual leave this year.

I've had it with the stuff. More than once recently have I contacted someone after returning from this grandiose sounding yearly ritual and enquired as to whether they enjoyed their trip. Invariably, they've just had a day off. Why not call a spade a spade? I actually took some time off this week, and made sure to compose an accurate and unpretentious out of office message.

"Dear whoever. I am currently watching the test match in my underwear. I'll be back in a day or two, when I may respond. But don't hold your breath."