A swine romance?

With my wallet and my waistline still struggling to recover from Christmas, I'm dismayed to report that I'm already fretting about Valentine's Day.

The nauseating annual merry-go-round of insincerity, tat and quiet desperation is less than three weeks away and I've been suffering from a paucity of ideas as to what to do for Her Indoors.

That is until I read the inspirational story of 67 year-old Iowan farmer Dick Kleis who, on his wife's recent birthday, presented her with a load of crap. About 50 tonnes of the stuff, in fact.

The resourceful chap used liquid manure to spell out the words 'HAP B DAY LUV U' in giant letters outside the couple's home. Kleis was apparently inspired by a friend who counselled him to 'do something you're good at'.

Sound advice, that. So I've set up a Cayman Islands holding company, named in my beloved's honour. I can't wait to see the look on her face.