The ugly truth

I was equally shocked (ahem) to learn recently that us Brits are apparently one of the least attractive nationalities.

Dating site BeautifulPeople.com gets existing users to rate pics of applicants, with only the best-looking admitted. Almost 300,000 UK singles have applied, with just 12 per cent of men and 15 per cent of women making the cut.

At the other end of the spectrum, Scandinavia boasts Earth's most stunning specimens, with two-thirds of Swedish men given the thumbs up. Norwegian women have enjoyed even more success, with more than three-quarters getting in.

Despite the rigorous skincare regime, gym habit and designer threads, our Gordon is one of those deemed just too ugly. He was inconsolable - until he booked that weekend in Oslo.