Cockney bankers

It is with great pleasure, Dear Reader, that I award the inaugural Diamond-Geezer Trophy for cringe-worthy, ill-conceived advertising stunt of the week to ATM manufacturer Bank Machine.

Love a duck - the hole-in-the-wall specialist has only gone and installed Cockney rhyming slang in five East End cash machines; would you Adam and Eve it? Shoreditch poseurs can now enter their Huckleberry Finn before choosing how much sausage and mash they want.

You're having a Turkish, me old china. Bank Machine managing director Ron Delnevo said: "We expect some residents will visit the machine to just have a butcher's (look)," (thanks, Ron - I'd always wondered what that meant).

Why not expand the idea? It could be a load of fun and frolics, as the Irish say.