Rise and swine

Like many business owners, I've been reading the ever-so-slightly hysterical predictions about the impact of swine flu with a rising sense of panic.

Despite the bottles of antibacterial gel dotted around Dodgi Towers, I'm bracing myself for staff absenteeism levels north of 90 per cent for the entirety of the next six months.

But word has reached me that not all businesses are quite so concerned about the potential pandemic. I heard on the grapevine that one retailer is asking all staff at a central London store claiming to have the infection to come in and let management run their expert medical rule over them.

It seems the firm are getting concerned that too many man hours are being lost to sick days. The solution being, of course, to invite a number of highly infectious people into a building housing a couple of hundred employees.

You can file this one under 'that's just crazy enough to work'.