Raking it in

Dave receives a shock email from the head of a top telecoms firm. Apparently.

I was shocked to receive an email this week from none other than BT chairman Sir Michael Rake (and, lawyers, when I say "none other than", I mean almost certainly other than), who asked if I wanted to wet my beak with some dastardly financial chicanery.

"I handle all our investors' direct capital funds and secretly extract 3.2 per cent excess maximum return capital profit (EMRCP)," he apparently wrote (give or take a few grammatical errors). Well, I never.

The BT chief's evil geniusness is clearly so immense that he can concoct strange-sounding concepts like EMRCP. Using the made-up trick, he claims to have made almost £50m.

"I am looking for someone to trust who can receive the funds," he added. Money-mad Micky is keen to keep this on the down-low, and wants interested parties to email his web-based account.

Actually, me and the Rakester go way back, so I'm happy to act as his intermediary.

Anyone who fancies a slice of this action, email name, address, vital statistics and account details to [email protected]