Flushed with success

If you like toilet humour, then urine for a treat this week, as Dave clues you in on soiled phones and high-tech sheep protection

Dropping your mobile down the khazi - we've all been there, right? Actually, I've never been there. Nor has anyone I know. And I'd wager you're in the same position.

But, still, according to frequent and not-at-all-made-up "research", about 800 million cellular callmakers are fumbled into UK lavatories every year.

These reports have not gone unnoticed by e-tailer Expansys, which is advertising its latest wowbox, the Gadget Saver, on its site this week. "The Gadget Saver can save you £££s and your work/social life by bringing your smartphone or gadget back to life when ruined by liquids," begins the blurb. (I hate to be churlish, but "£££" isn't technically a number. Or a word.)

"Rather than risk damaging your smartphone/gadget further by putting it in a bowl of rice, use the Gadget Saver."

A bowl of what? That's a new one on me. Isn't white wine the only thing that can get unwanted faecal flakes out of your phone?

Anyway, now you can whack your wet gadget into the contraption's cosy pouch and, eight hours later, Bob's your uncle.

Alternatively, you can use my patented device protection system. It involves waiting to check your phone until you're fully zipped up and at least 10m from the dreaded "splashback zone".

Teenage clicks

As someone who's raising the teenaged fruit of my loins among the mean streets of Dagenham, I need no reminding of the perils that can befall today's youth. So I was heartened to see even the world's most successful tech execs aren't immune to such problems.

Though my concerns about Dave Jr running afoul of the unsavouries at Potty Pete's Snooker Hall seem a million miles from the problems of Michael Dell. The PC baron's 18-year-old daughter Alexa has been jeopardising the family's security with social network updates detailing their activities at precise times and locations.

She posted a pic of her brother Zachary annihilating a buffet aboard the family's private jet en route to Fiji. Later, the ditzy Dellette revealed exactly when she would be arriving in New York, and gave details of her upcoming school graduation dinner, set to be attended by Daddy Dell and his better half.

Which makes something of a mockery of the family's $2.7m annual security budget. Strangely, Alexa's social networking pages have now disappeared.

"We don't make any comments regarding Mr Dell's, or his family's, personal activities," a spokesperson said, possibly while firmly shutting a stable door.

Text education

But not all teenagers are so feckless. If the Dell boy wants to inspire his kids, he should look to 17-year-old Wisconsinite Austin Weirschke, who's just won his second consecutive US texting crown.

The nimble-thumbed teen excelled in a number of rounds, in which competitors had their vision blocked and hands tied behind their back in tests designed to assess the texters' speed, accuracy and dexterity.

After winning the title - and the $50,000 prize - Weirschke explained that he sends 500-odd texts a day, but has been getting in extra practice with his mum. Actually, if your daughter's currently single, Mikey, I think she could do worse than check out this hot young go-getter.

Attack the flock

Home security systems and personal safety alarms have kept us primates safe for years. However, there's always been a paucity of ovine security solutions.

But news emanating from Switzerland (who I've long believed lead the world in sheep-protection technologies) offers hope for worried woollies. Using a heart monitor and an SMS-equipped collar, a new system can alert shepherds when something spooks their flock. The technology was tested with 10 poor lambs and two (thankfully muzzled) wolfdogs this month.

I do hope sheep are not quite so perturbed by rural joggers in Lycra shorts and a yellowing "Orient Wembley 99" T-shirt.