More fool you

Dave runs through this year's top tech teases, while sticking his oar into Swedish linguistic dust-ups and mourning a computing giant

Given that the wonderful industry we call tech has brought us such mind-boggling innovations as virtual reality, 3D printing and electronic Easter greetings cards (thanks, Dad), it can sometimes be hard to separate science fact from science fiction.

Which makes April Fools' Day the ideal opportunity for technology firms to make mischief. One of this year's top pranks came from Google, which revealed that it is topping the invention of Google Glass with the introduction of Google Nose. Gullible olfaction enthusiasts were encouraged to lean in close to their monitors and experience the full sensory experience of search results including "unattended litter box".

Also getting in on the fooling act was Google-owned YouTube, which claimed that it was shutting down at the end of the first day of April. The video site explained that its eight-year existence has just been an elongated talent search, and that judges would spend the next 10 years picking a winner from the billions of cute pets, racist public transport users and dancing Korean popstrels.

Meanwhile "Twttr" said it was "annncng" a new, streamlined version permitting only the use of consonants. Although users were advised they could pay $5 a month for the deluxe version, with vowels and everything.

I was particularly pleased with the stunt that the Dodgi HR department pulled, telling all our employees who worked over the Bank Holiday that they would be paid time and a half and given a free Easter egg. I wasn't laughing quite so hard when I realised it wasn't a joke.

Revenge is Swede

Speaking of Google, I was disheartened to see that the search giant has come to blows with that other great ubiquitous source of information, amusing cats and the poorly punctuated ravings of wild-eyed conspiracists - the Language Council of Sweden.

Every year Swedish language bods unveil a list of 10 new words which are set to be become part of the official lexicon, having become prevalent in popular usage. Making the cut this year was "ogooglebar", which I'm sure I don't have to tell you roughly translates as "ungoogleable", a word used to characterise something that cannot be found via the medium of search engine.

But shortly after the dectet of new terms was published, some humourless brand-protection types got in touch with the council to request that the meaning of the word be changed to relate solely to Google and not other search providers. They also reportedly requested a disclaimer be added to the definition, stressing that Google is a trademark.

To their credit, the Swedish word-watchers said they wouldn't be influenced by the whims of a corporation and regretfully took the word off the list to avoid a costly legal battle.

A council statement said: "Who decides language? We do, language users. We decide together which words should be and how they are defined, used and spelled."

Too right. In any case, I don't know what Google's getting so upset about. Do they really think all those web-searching Swedes are talking about Altavista or Ask Jeeves?

The end of the Roadrunner

As a long-time admirer of supercomputing (because it's about as macho as IT gets), I was upset to learn this week that the world's first petaflop computer has been shut down for good.

Launched in 2008, the IBM Roadrunner was used by the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico and was the first machine to be able to handle 1,000 trillion calculations per second. Having been permanently turned off at the end of last month, it will be taken apart in the coming weeks after testing bods have run some experiments on its operating system.

"Even in death, we are trying to learn from Roadrunner," said a clearly unhinged and emotionally unstable Gary Grider from the lab.

During its heyday it was used for such noble purposes as creating models of far-flung corners of the universe and conducting research into nuclear weapons.

Unconfirmed reports suggest it finally conked out while installing Windows update 11 of 15, as the lab team impatiently waited to leave work in time for the last half hour of Wacky Wednesday at the local Hooters.