Abreast of developments

Smart underwear, ambitious techies, and deeply ingrained misogyny all come under the radar as Dave comes over all festive. Sort of.

There was exciting news from the world of wearable tech this week, particularly at that time of year when millions of men ask themselves ‘what gift would best show the woman with whom I share my life how well I know her, how much I love her, and how deeply I appreciate all she is, and all she means to me?', only to swiftly come to the answer ‘nice pants, innit'.
Regular reader(s) can surely imagine my unbridled delight to discover that I will soon be able to give my beloved a present that combines my love of a) technology; b) not having to think too much about gift selection; and c) objectifying women. Sorry, I mean: c) enabling my life partner to feel every bit as desirable as I know she is.
Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes - the so-called ‘smart bra', which is reportedly being developed by Microsoft bods. The garment is designed to track the wearer's mood by monitoring things like heart rate and skin activity.
Reportedly men's underwear equipped with similar gadgetry has proved less effective, due to a comparative inability to track electrocardiogram information. Thereby putting paid to the notion that our brains are to be found in our pants.

Potential problems
Stone the crows! In more exciting developments from the world of deeply spurious "research", I was shocked to the core this week to discover that more than two in five IT workers in the UK feel they have more to give, professionally speaking.
According to massively unimpeachable data from the good folk at (VESTED INTEREST ALERT!!!) recruitment outfit Randstad Technologies, 44 per cent of techies believe they have not reached their full potential. (So, I suppose 56 per cent believe they have no more to give, and have utterly fulfilled their potential, whether their career has five years, or five decades left?)
Meanwhile determination emerges as the personal characteristic considered most important by the IT crowd, having been cited by 43 per cent of respondents. This was closely followed by adaptability and a strong work ethic (both 39 per cent).
It is not clear where on the list characteristics like ‘talent', ‘aptitude', and ‘basic competence' featured.

Silcon implants
I was cock-a-hoop to see the forward-thinking folk at Vogue UK had devoted a recent issue to a parade of inspiring, important and impressive female tech execs they dubbed "high-tech heroines". Less pleasing was the subheading "Silicon Valley wives and girlfriends" - or "SWAGS", to those in the know.
The mag singled out three leading ladies of the tech industry, including Marissa Mayer, who is not just CEO of a global company, but also some bloke's wife. Also namechecked were Ali Pincus, co-founder of online marketplace One Kings Lane, and, Kleiner Perkins partner Juliet de Baubigny, who is characterised as a "stylish venture capitalist", (as opposed to a "successful/respected/influential venture capitalist").
According to Vogue, one of the principal achievements of these glamorous gals is turning the Valley from a land of "Converse, baggy jeans and hoodies", into a place where one is more likely to attend a "networking cocktail night". (And also shoes, bags, boys, chocolate, pretty dresses and, ooooh look - there's a cute kitten! Awww. LOLZ!!! :-) xxx)

Generic Christmas message
Slade is on the jukebox, cheap alcohol is being used as a makeshift incendiary, and a rotund man with a red face is brandishing a sack full of perfume and consumer electronics; it can mean only one thing: it's the sharp end of ladies night at the Dog and Duck behind Dagenham Heathway station.
Also: it's Christmas.
I hope it brings you and your kin everything your collective heart desires. (Unless you're an IT reseller operating in the east London/Essex area, natch.)
I've come to regard my annual festive message as a bit like the Queen's speech: no-one really pays much attention and those that do probably just sit there resenting my position of enormous wealth and privilege.
Nevertheless, allow me to say: well done on making it through another complete swine of a year with - I hope - your business, and your sanity, still intact. See you on the other side.
Happy Christmas, one and all!