Salad dodger

Dave reports on fish-mad execs, tablet-wary footballists, chatty Chinese teens, and generous teachers

I was lunching with one of my manufacturer partners in a swanky eatery recently and, when the waiter came to take our order, I found myself surprised and impressed when the vendor's UK chief jumped straight in and ordered a salad.

While the rest of the party made their choices, I remarked that I admired the chap's commitment to healthy eating - especially as last time I had dined with the vendor another of the senior exec team had gone for a big juicy lobster, complete with cracking claws (the lobster's), buttery paws (the exec's), and a bib whose every stain told the story of a hearty meal.

My companion on this occasion went quiet for a few moments, before piping up loudly just as the waiter finished taking the other orders. "I've changed my mind," he wailed. "I'll have the sea bass, please." Ten minutes later he was duly presented with a big plate that played host to a meaty, glistening ocean beast, complete with head and tail intact. Had he simply been reminded of a latent love of seafood, or was it that he didn't want to look like some kind of save-the-whales, Guardian-reading salad muncher?

Shooting the Messenger

There was bad news for late-90s teenagers this week as Microsoft called time on its once-mighty MSN Messenger service. The chat tool - which is now known as Windows Live Messenger - was retired in most regions of the world last year, but remains in use in China.

However, the software giant is to finally pull the plug on what was once the world's premier tool for exchanging emojis and explicit descriptions of bodily parts with people in other countries.

The writing was on the wall for the messaging monolith once Microsoft bought Skype in a 2012 blockbuster acquisition, and those users still clinging to the service will be given free Skype credits when they migrate, Microsoft has promised. As someone who was at an impressionable age (34) during the first great wave of the internet, this news makes me :o(

Headache tablets

Patrons of Manchester United were this week dealt a cruel blow by the powers that be. Now, I may not be much of a ‘Red Devil' - in fact I feel like this club is well overdue a little misfortune - but the news that all fans were barred from taking laptops and tablets into Old Trafford seems a tad harsh.

The poor devils who go to watch United play will not be able to find comforting distraction playing Angry Birds on their iPads, or watching an episode or two of Orange is the New Black. Instead, they will be forced to watch their team actually play football, which will inevitably be as bad as that time me and the boys found a ball and decided to have an impromptu kick-about at the conclusion of a particularly heavy bender around Hornchurch and Upminster.

Needless to say, I would advise any ManYoo fans reading to stay home and bask in the warm glow of your tablet. Or, better yet, come to the Orient. The football's not up to much, but we'll let you check your email in peace.

Free school

As a street-smart graduate of the School of Hard Knocks and the University of Life (with a Masters from the Royal Institute of Yeah, What Of It? Do One, Pal), I've always eyed private education with a high level of suspicion and antipathy.

So I reacted with something of a sneer upon hearing news this week that a top independent school is making many of its lessons available online to us plebs. Cambridge-based Stephen Frears Foundation School has made 87 of its courses - for pupils aged 11 to 14 - available online via the iTunes U service, the free version of Apple's online store available to education establishments.

The ￡15,405-a-year school is offering free downloads of digital textbooks and exam course material across subjects such as algebra, geography and religious studies. Presumably they'll be round later to hand out free Macbooks to the children of Barking and Dagenham so they can enjoy the school's educational largesse.