Who could ever forget Jonathan King in a multicoloured fright wig singing his groundbreaking hit Everyone's gone to the moon. Not many people apparently, since top technology loons Utopia looked to the sad, bespectacled music man for inspiration when they took part in their important and worthwhile protest about - wait for it - helpdesks.
The emotional outcry took place in Brighton outside the 11th Annual Helpdesk User Group for people who get an adrenaline hit from drooling over a good looking server. The feisty molls from Utopia took to the streets to deliver the all-important message that buying its own products was a better alternative to purchasing a boring old helpdesk. Fancy that. Thank goodness Utopia was demonstrating about something worthwhile or PC Squealer might have thought this humiliating act was a cheap publicity stunt. Captain Kryptonite
The end of the financial year tends to brings out the worst in people, making them do strange things.
PC Squealer only had to pick up a phone to any channel bod to hear the hysteria in their voices.
So it came as no surprise to hear that the channel's answer to the Lightning Seeds lead singer, aka C2000's Steve Lockie, was caught indulging in a cringe-worthy display of athletics to commemorate every time some poor stressed-out sales lackie off-loaded another lump of technology. A breathless Steve panted down the earpiece that he was just in the middle of doing the high jump as part of the day's festivities.
Now imagine being a salesperson, on the verge of losing your mind, trying to squeeze as many sales out of your resellers as you possibly can, and in the corner of your eye a large bearded maniac keeps leaping past you. It's enough to turn an ass from its oats. Honestly, some people will do anything to motivate their team.
Listening to a personal stalkman
The world is becoming a desperate place when even people like Microsoft CEO Bill Gates are being hassled by their own personal stalkers.
This particular nutter is called Adam Pletcher, who sent a number of nasty letters to King Geek himself, saying he would harm Bill, his wife, their daughter and even Microsoft's number two Steve Ballmer if $5 million wasn't paid into his bank account.
Talk about not doing things by halves. Mad dog Pletcher, however, has ended up in the slammer for between eight and 10 years for his little caper, so the lovely Bill is safe once again. Of course, PC Squealer doesn't wish any harm to the computer meister or his family, but $5 million is a drop in the ocean seeing as Bill is now the first man in the world to be worth over $50 billion.
What an amazing feat, because having that much money really isn't obscene at all.
Hello channel men, here's an interesting picture of a car. Look at the suspension on that tiger. See how the sticky uppy bit at the back makes the car go faster or something, and gasp in delight, at the complex but strangely beautiful go-faster strip effort on the side. It's like a boy racers' dream come true - which is probably why Hewlett Packard jumped at the chance to work with The Vodafone Nissan Racing team at the Auto trader RAC British Touring Car Championship.
In its rather witty press release, Hewlett Packard even tell us it is helping to drive the racing team round the bend. Tell us about it.
Like a Virgin
Carol Voderman gets everywhere. Last week she was whopping it up on a Virgin video and now Ms Consonant Pants is endorsing Dorling Kindersley's educational software stuff. Cazzer thinks DK's study aids are really rather good and 'thoroughly recommends them', which is simply wonderful. Isn't it a coincidence that DK previously published Cazzer's book on maths and stuff?
Does this mean then there might be an old Virgin video of Cazzer floating around at this moment in time? It's worth a thought - you grubby minded little mingers.
There are plenty of ridiculous names floating around the channel - you only need look at the numerous rhymes PC Squealer has come up with when writing about Mike Lunch of SCC fame. So it was like a dream come true when an invitation to meet Intel landed on the newsdesk, which included a presentation with none other than Mike Fister.
What could be construed as one of the most unfortunate eyebrow-raising names in the channel is actually a lot of fun with many wordplay opportunities.
Unfortunately, PC Squealer can't think of any so we'll just laugh at it instead.
Okay, April Fools' Day has been and gone, but PC Squealer was so impressed by Morse Computers' practical joke that we just had to include it. As advertised in The Independent, the little tykes told the world about 'computer particle contamination' caused by 'recent fires in South East Asia' which has affected 428,000 computer systems since 1 January. It certainly is a scary thought, but PC Squealer would like to know who on earth came up with such an idea. Maybe the marketing person ate huge quantities of cheese before dreaming up this strange joke.
But well done anyway Morse for making the effort.
You wanna be in my gang?
Check out the attitude on Apple! The fruity one is getting a bit fierce in its old age and has recently placed a load of adverts mocking Intel over its Pentium II processor, saying how rubbish it is compared to its own Power Mac G3. In fact, Apple goes in for the kill by telling Intel: 'Despite all those colourful costumes you just can't match the performance of ...' blah, blah, blah, techy guff etc.
PC Squealer is just wondering if Apple would have done this sort of thing a few months ago when it wasn't best buddies with Bill Gates or Mr Smoothy himself, Larry Ellison. We don't think so.
Anyway, Apple obviously thinks it's well 'ard now it has the big boys on its side and it can throw sticks and stones at everybody's bones. PC Squealer is sure Intel is shaking in its boots. So come and have a go if you think your hard enough Apple.
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