Computer companies are masters of advertising - you only have to look at Novell's wonderful 'Rock the Net' campaign to see that. PC Squealer would like to say congratulations to ADI for its advert for monitors.
It's easy to see the connection between a half naked woman partially exposing her breasts and a monitor. ADI has even added its logo under the fleshy orbs of the lady telling us to 'consider our reputation'. Maybe ADI should start by considering its own.
Remember the computer Hal from 2001 A Space Odyssey? The possibility of having a psychotic PC of your own could become a reality if Dr Rosalind Picard from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology's Media Lab has her wicked way. The good doctor and her team have built 'confusion sensing detectors' which can pick up electrical activity in the eye muscles when we furrow our brows in everyday frustration. Dr Picard predicts that in 20 years our microchipped friends will be talking to us. Next time you start bringing up saucy pictures on the internet your computer might just decide to grass you up.
David Parker, UK area business manager at Bay, is forever getting stuck in the middle of things. But his biggest gaffe to date has to be the one that took place last September after a certain Queen of Hearts stepped off this mortal coil. David happened to be in London on the night before the funeral, driving past Kensington Palace when he suddenly noticed the traffic behind him had disappeared. It was only when a big black hearse pulled up behind him that David realised he'd made the blunder of the century and was kindly asked to move aside to let Diana, Princess of Wales, travel to her final destination. Things then went from bad to surreal when David spotted a lone Richard Branson wandering among the crowds like a bearded angel of mercy. Now, although this all sounds a bit strange and people might think that David's elevator isn't going to the top floor, Squealer believes every word he's saying. Just take it easy on the happy juice though David.
Virtual dating is not as sad as it used to be since the clever people's magazine New Scientist took it upon itself to investigate what kind of desperadoes other total saddos are attracted to over the internet. These high class hacks decided to place fictitious singles ads on a love connection type Web page from three women aged between 26-28 to discover which imaginary lady pulled in the most responses. The first of these lovelies was described as 'very attractive'; the second 'passionate and sensitive'; and the third as 'financially successful and ambitious'. The 'very attractive' lady came in last with 90 replies, second place was seized by 'passionate and sensitive' with 129 replies, but way out in the lead was 'very attractive with loads of money' with a huge 185 replies. However, at least the lassies faired better than the three imaginary date-hungry men New Scientist set up as they didn't even get enough replies to be analysed. There's obviously a lesson in all this - PC Squealer just can't think what it is.
Sit back, relax and let PC Squealer paint a little picture for you. A horse gallops across a wooded glade straddled by a small but perfectly formed rider. He bounces across the countryside moving in and out of the leather saddle, protected only by a pair of tight breaches and a desire to feel the wind in his hair. No, it's not a scene from a saucy Jilly Cooper novel, but it's that Peter Pan of distribution Wayne Channon, chairman at Ilion, up to his old tricks again. We all know that our Wayne loves his gee-gees but it seems that news of his first love has spread far and wide as Horse and Hound magazine managed to track the little chap down for a photo shoot posing in all manner of positions. Wayne illuminated the country press with details about the various breeding methods for Dutch stallions and how he employs two Olympic trainers to keep him and his ponies in tip-top condition. As long as you're happy Wayne, that's all that matters.
The important thing about planning a business trip is to get the timing just right in order to avoid trouble. Steve Bennett, the young and dynamic MD of Software Warehouse, displayed a masterful touch in honing his timing skills to a tee for his business trip to Australia a week after he held a press conference at his company's new offices in Coleshill. During his little tete-a-tete with various hacks he took it upon himself to announce the formation of Warehouse's own on-site tech support team, Swot. Poor Zena Broadbent, in-house PR exec at Software Warehouse, said: 'There was a bit of a panic when we opened PC Dealer and saw your story about us ditching Misys and setting up our own technical support team, because no one has told Misys yet. But we're used to that with Steve. I suppose that's why he employs an in-house PR,' she sighed.
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