Bike it lucky
You may remember that last week we brought you the story of Charles 'Olu' Afolabi and his miraculous escape from serious injury when a car hit his motorbike. Lucky Olu, 32, from Chiswick, London, suffered nothing more than a few cuts and bruises thanks to the MCSE textbook in his rucksack which suffered the full force of the impact when he was thrown from his bike. 'I'm lucky to be alive,' he said. 'Goodness knows what would have happened if I didn't have that book with me.' But Olu revealed he is now in dispute with his insurers after they offered him the equivalent of the second-hand price for his written-off Yamaha VMAX as settlement. Maybe he should try to squeeze some cash out of Microsoft as he damaged his bike while working on one of its courses.
Pride before a fallout
The Chernobyl virus - aka CIH - has reportedly devastated South Korea.
The virus is believed to have crashed 300,000 computers in government offices, schools and businesses. According to reports, Mr Ahn Byung-yop, vice information and communications minister for South Korea, said: 'We have been careless and lacked an understanding of this virus. We need to strengthen our alert system and public education on computer viruses.' Doh! Hands up anyone who wants to go to South Korea for the millennium celebrations then ... any takers?
Channel with a small 'c'
A certain UK political party with a penchant for blue has a history of characterising typical voters into socio-economic classes to relay its message to the masses, although until recently this concept has been largely reserved for the privatisation of state-owned utilities. While nobody will ever forget Sid The British Gas Shareholder, we've also seen Basildon Woman and White Van Man, among others. Now the Tories have got hold of someone much closer to home. He's Chris the Computer Sales Manager - you've probably already seen him on TV as the star of its latest series of party political broadcasts. The Conservative Party, still licking its wounds from the drubbing it received from New Labour in the last election, has conjured up this character in the hopes it will appeal to us all, by borrowing a little dynamism from our beloved industry. According to the plot, which PC Squealer reckons the Tories have decidedly lost, Chris voted Labour for the first time in the last election, but his wife Debbie has remained loyal to the Tories and taunts him over his defection. The words, coffee, smell and wake up, come to mind. So, honourable ladies and gentlemen of the channel, can we expect you to convert en masse into True Blues for the next election?
Kiss 'n' smell
The much maligned, but ubiquitous strategy of attracting male journalists' attention by dispatching press releases attached to pictures of scantily-clad women has once again proved to be a winner, this time courtesy of Packeteer and PR agency Johnson King. Here we have the classic starting point of quite a dull announcement, this time concerning Packeteer winning a supply contract with Unilever's Home and Personal Care division, to put in a number of their PacketShaper (ooer, missus!) products. Now exercise the grey matter - Unilever make Lynx deodorant - and then you have the spice, which of course means you have attracted interest.
In this case it's a screen shot from the Lynx ad where a guy somehow finds himself in pre-historic times having to fend off a T-Rex with a furry bra, thus protecting an all-female tribe of scantily-clad savages.
Anyway, PC Squealer would like to point out that our packets remained unshaped by this attempt to promote the company, and a magazine such as PC Dealer would never stoop to writing about such things on the basis of a few sexy pics. (Er, just a minute, we just have - Ed).
Sonic the Gooner
Unless you are one of those sad non-football types, you will have noticed that last week Sega forked out a whole pile of cash to sponsor the - according to some - best footballing team seen on the planet since somebody noticed a rotting pig carcass, pulled out its bloated stomach and called to his mates 'Oi, get ya jumpers off - lets 'ave a kick-about.' Naturally there's absolutely no editorial bias here ... But anyway, one of the potential worrying results of this deal may be an unusual effect on the quaint old tradition of the rip-roaring song or poignant comment to urge your team on. These verbal artifacts of a bygone age could be polluted with the latest jargon. No more will the sweet rhythm of 'Arrr-sennn-aoul' ring out around the mighty Highbury ground. No more tributes to players such as Emanuel Petit - 'He's fast, he's quick, his name's a porn flick'.
Perhaps even those helpful titbits that are proffered as advice to the referee - normally relating to his habit of self-gratification and his need to visit an optician - could be consigned to the Saint & Greavsie hall of football has beens. Nope, now all we can look forward to is chants of, 'Go on Bergkamp, do a Sonic power spin' or 'Adams, grab the gold coins and head for the last level'.
And the age-old adage, 'Me grandmother could have done better', looks set to be replaced with: 'Well, if Anelka had done that eight-button combo and double flicked it on to Kanu, we'd have been sorted.
I mean I did it last night and I wasn't even trying.' Sad times indeed.
A name of two halves
Sega's pounds 12 million, three-year sponsorship deal with Arsenal means that more than 50 per cent of Premiership teams have an IT corporate logo slapped across their shirts when they run out of a Sat'dee afternoon. In no particular order, here's the list in full:
Arsenal Sega Manchester United Sharp Tottenham Hotspur Hewlett Packard Charlton Athletic Mesh Computers Derby County EDS Leeds United Packard Bell Wimbledon Elonex Middlesborough Cellnet Everton One 2 One Southampton Sanderson Sheffield Wednesday Sanderson ... and into the lower/Scottish leagues (that we could think of): Fulham Demon Internet Manchester City Brother Watford CTX Rangers and Celtic NTL Crystal Palace TDK Huddersfield Town Panasonic Portsmouth KJC Mobile Phones QPR Ericsson Burnley P3 Computers Barnsley ORA Electronics
CRN's Nima Green caught up with Chris Labrey for a quick Q&A at CRN's recent European Channel Leadership Forum
We caught up with the Atea chief exec at CRN's European Channel Leadership Forum in London
Andy Gillett has been appointed GM for the UK and Ireland
UK is one of two countries to see rollout of vendor's newest subscription service