Sometimes working with the internet can be strange and confusing, making you tired, angry and producing impulses which leave you with uncontrollable urges. Never fear, as help is at hand in the form of Ms Vowel herself, Carol Vorderman, who is now offering A Guide to the Internet. Courtesy of VirginNet, our Cazzer and her mate Rob answer all sorts of puzzling questions like 'how do we get on the Net?' and 'what will we be able to do on the Net?' So for all you frustrated and lonely channel types, Cazzer will help you discover how to find your favourite magazines online, how to amuse yourself and other fun things you can find at your fingertips.
Isn't education a wonderful thing. You can run, but you can't hide.
The US-based organiser of a retail trade show in LA was recently unavailable when PC Squealer desperately needed to talk to him. When he finally arrived in his office the next day, he was remarkably cagey about his whereabouts.
Eventually, the truth came out. He had been picked up by the local Los Angeles police department, handcuffed, taken to the local jailhouse and spent the day in a cell with a large gentleman called Bubba, who normally hangs about alleyways. His crime? He hadn't paid a speeding fine from 1982. A warrant had been issued for his arrest and the Feds had been on his tail ever since. Let this be a lesson to you - the past always catches up.
Hey Joe, where are you going with that hub in your hand? Recognise this?
Well you will if you have any taste and a penchant for big purple flares, which makes PC Squealer wonder if we should call the fashion police about imaging company Agfa, who sent in this wonderful picture of the axe meister himself, Jimi Hendrix. Now, PC Squealer is none too sure why Agfa sent us the piccy, but we like it, so what the hell.
Baby boomer Ba
This week, full marks for job dedication go to the lovely Bocar Ba of Sodexi fame. Our favourite little Frenchman is so keen on his job that when PC Squealer rang him for a chat we were shocked to discover our Bocar was sitting in the hospital waiting for his wife to have a baby. However, it didn't deter Bocar from telling us all about his company and what it's up to at the moment. Anyway PC Squealer would like to congratulate Bocar and his wife on the birth of a baby boy who we were informed is 'as good-looking as his father'. Dedication and modesty - what a combination.
One careful lady owner.
It's always fun finding out what jobs channel people did before they took the plunge in distribution. One perfect example of this is that moustached rascal Roger Paul from Landis who, according to a little dickie bird, was a used car salesman. Isn't it a coincidence that PC Squealer thinks Roger is just like Swiss Toni, the used car salesman from The Fast Show?
PC Squealer can just see it now. Roger and his perfectly coiffured hair, sitting in his office wittering things like: 'Working in the channel is like making love to a beautiful woman.' Now we don't know how, but we're sure that with Roger's imagination he could think of something.
Billy, I shrunk the kids.
Who's this little chap? It's the magical Professor Presto, star of Microsoft's latest educational product and in no way another one of the software king's marketing shennanigans. Not only does this strange but endearing creature teach your kiddie all sorts of interesting and enlightening lessons, but Microsoft has programmed the professor to be endowed with all sorts of characteristics, namely the virtue of discretion. Also, Microsoft informs us that the worldly-wise professor has a firm grip on child psychology, kind of like having your own shrink on your computer. But the most scary thing is that Professor Presto actually looks like a deformed version of everyone's favourite computer whizz, Bill Gates. Shouldn't young children be protected from this sort of thing?
I read the news today, oh boy.
It's all go at Cabletron with the resignation of chairman and CEO Don Reed. It was perfect timing when an advert appeared in the Wall Street Journal on the same day the great man left his post last week. In the ad, those networking tykes proclaim users can 'dramatically improve your network without doing anything dramatic'. Cabletron also says that to stay competitive 'you don't have to do anything extreme'. Oh yeah? Talk about life imitating art.
Those magnificent men in their flying machines.
What do you do when you've just resigned from a high-powered job at a huge company? Well, if you're Clive Hudson, ex-employee of 3Com, you look to the sky and do something completely different. Apparently, while tottering round his golf course, Clive decided it was his new life ambition to learn to fly a plane. Now there's nothing unusual in this - just look at Novell's Murray Treece, the acrobat king of the networking world. Anyway, off Clive went to find out when he could start learning to loop the loop when he was told that there was a massive waiting list for other loons who wanted to risk their lives in the air. In fact, Clive was told the only way he had any hope of getting some lessons was to buy himself a plane - so he did, and shelled out thousands of pounds on something he didn't know how to work. Obviously, a man with more money than sense.
Swing it, shake it ....
Cabletron's Ray Sangster is a popular kind of guy, especially with the ladies apparently, what with that soft Scottish lilt and his extensive range of fluffy jumpers. So it was with shock and dismay that PC Squealer learned that suave Ray is a fan of Take That and The Spice Girls. Squealer always thought Ray had decent taste in music as he often repeated the fact he likes Primal Scream. But the truth is that Ray likes nothing more than to shake his booty down to such golden classics as Relight my Fire and Wannabe.
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