I can’t tell you, dear reader, how long I’ve been waiting for an esteemed IT vendor to come up with “a new corporate identity that goes far beyond simply using a different logo or brand image”.
Unfortunately my wait goes on, despite the blood, sweat and rhetoric of Panda Security, which this week revealed the results of more than a year’s work it has invested in overhauling its bizness image.
The fruits of its long labours appear to be an awful lot of hot air and the invention of a thoroughly nauseating word: simplexity.
“We want to be perceived by the industry as we really are: challenging and innovative, with deep human values,” explained marketing bod Paula Quirós, without giving the slightest indication of what on earth a “deep human value” is (perhaps the unconditional love of a parent for a child? Or the quiet, but crushing, malaise of realising the ultimate futility of all human endeavour? Maybe the derivation of biochemical energy from the nutrients in our food and their subsequent conversion into adenosine triphosphate?)
In addition to the rebranding brainfart, Panda has announced a dynamite five-year strategic plan based around growing a bit faster than other people. Wowsers.
I’ve also come up with a tactical playbook for the next half-decade: to try to forget I ever heard the word“simplexity”, and sever all lines of communication with anyone who reminds me otherwise.
Examining the results of a study that found almost three out of four technology jobs are based in London, you might conclude that the industry has something of a capital bias. But apparently that’s only if you’re some kind of myopic cockney apologist like me.
Because, according to “professional resourcing specialist Experis” (no, I don’t know either), the news that “over a quarter (28 per cent) of the latest technology jobs are advertised in cities outside London” is cause for some kind of wild celebration across the provinces.
“There are strong indications to suggest that tech job opportunities are on the rise throughout the UK,” said Experis Europe MD Geoff Smith, not in the least bit inaccurately. Cambridge, Birmingham, Manchester, Bristol, and Glasgow were picked out as “tech hotspots”, having accounted for a cumulative total of eight new IT posts last quarter. (Probably).
In related news, 83 per cent of the 43 million technology jobs currently advertised in London are in the borough of Barking and Dagenham, according to an in-depth survey of three people in the Dog and Duck.
I was intrigued to learn that the glitz-and-glamour world of the UK IT channel has both gained and lost a TV star this month. First came the sad news that Outsourcery leader Piers Linney is to depart Dragons’ Den, the popular BBC investment-a-thon that I’m sure you were all already well aware is still actually on our screens (and not just 86 times a week on Dave). But thankfully Linney’s farewell was swiftly followed by the entrance stage left of Robert Herjavec.
The owner of Canadian security VAR Herjavec Group – which recently bought UK firm Sysec – has starred in Dragons’ Den in his native country, and also in the US version of the show, which changed the name to Shark Tank. Our Gordon is also always bragging that he’s been on TV. It’s just a shame they’ve never released Police Camera Action! as a DVD boxset.
Chip off the office block
In a development for the file marked Evidence of Humanity’s Inexorable March Towards a Totalitarian Dystopia, I read this week that a company in Sweden is offering its staff the chance to be fitted with an RFID chip.
The technology – already implanted in the hand of boss Felicio de Costa – could be used by employees to get into the building, use the photocopier, or even buy lunch. Hannes Sjoblad, a so-called bio-hacker who is heading the initiative, said: “We already interact with technology all the time. Today it’s a bit messy – we need PINs and passwords.” Fair point. Having a bit of metal injected into your flesh sounds far less messy to me.
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