One of the challenges facing The Artist Formerly Known as HP following its split is that the vendor now has to build not just one, but two new brands.
You can bet that both monikers – HP Inc and Hewlett Packard Enterprise – were focus-shopped to within an inch of their life. So it’s understandable the companies in question might get protective of such carefully chosen names.
My friends in the press tell me that exec bods at the newly uncoupled infrastructure business are quite insistent that the fourth estate refers to the company as either Hewlett Packard Enterprise or HPE – but never, ever HP Enterprise.
For some reason. Such sobriquet sensitivity has seemingly translated to the partner community, with one channel fella telling me that his company’s account manager had – after his repeated use of the banned HP Enterprise – urged him to set up a swear jar. The chap now parts with a shiny pound every time he thoughtlessly utters the prohibited epithet – with his co-workers instructed to be on the lookout for any slip-ups. This may seem a bit draconian on HPE’s part but, as far as I’m concerned, you can’t put a price on brand integrity.
So I’m sure you’ll understand, dear reader, that I’ve had a recent image overhaul, and I now have to ask you all to give me 50p every time you refer to me as anything other than David the Magnificent.
Unsafe solvent bearers
Stone the crows! According to not-in-the-least-bit-spurious “research” from vendor ESET, some 22,266 USB sticks were left in the pockets of clothes taken by Joe Public to be dry-cleaned last year.
This is somehow based on the fact that among the 500 dry cleaners that totally exist and were genuinely interviewed for the “study”, each one found an average of four USB sticks per year. #MATHZ According to further hot data from the unvestedly interested mobile security firm, 45 per cent of owners never see their tech again.
ESET-employed opinion voicer Mark James said: “It is a huge concern that so many devices are being forgotten about by their owners.” Maybe so, MJ, but most right-thinking people would be more worried by the fact that either 45 per cent of people never collect their dry-cleaning or 45 per cent of all dry-cleaning professionals are brazen thieves.
Looking a bit peaky
I was one of many jaded spouses to delight in the recent news that we may have reached a state of “peak home furnishings”. That is according to no less an authority than Ikea’s head of sustainability Steve Howard, who recently told the Guardian that the Swedish retailer’s business will, in future, be more geared to a “circular” model encompassing the refurbishment, reuse and recycling of furniture.
It may seem odd to hear a man hired to promote furniture telling the world that it doesn’t need any more furniture, but Howard added that we’ve also probably reached “peak red meat, peak sugar” and, indeed, “peak stuff” generally.
Just so long as we haven’t reached “peak IT software, solutions, and ongoing service provision including a full holistic support wrap and follow-the-sun helpdesk and remote maintenance”, then I’m happy.
If December is, for many of us, a pretty much non-stop cocktail party, January is inevitably the month-long hangover that follows.
But, according to reports, aficionados of tying one on in the socialist paradise of North Korea need no longer worry about alcohol-induced headaches, nausea, and the gnawing sense of life slipping away moment by moment. Booze wonks in the country have reportedly come up with a spirituous beverage that “causes no hangover”.
According to an article in The Pyongyang Times, ginseng-based drink Koryo Liquor has been perfected over a number of years, with sugar replaced by scorched rice to create a “suave” drink with maximum taste – and minimum green-about-the-gillsness the next morning. This sounds amazing.
My only question is whether this drink is included in yer standard North Korean all-inclusive holiday package? If so, then Her Indoors and I might be swapping Gran Canaria for Chongjin this summer.
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