Paul Donnelly, MD of Gem Distribution, was visiting Steve Bennett of Software Warehouse a few weeks ago. The visit caused quite a commotion so PC Squealer hunted Paul down in his favourite London watering hole, The Atlantic Tart and Grill in deepest Soho. Under sustained alcohol attack, Paul eventually broke down and told the story. When Steve heard that Paul was in reception he leapt down the stairs, rushed up to a man leaning over the reception desk and dead-legged him with his knee to the victim?s thigh. As the stunned man hit the floor with a thud, sighing: ?Did you think I was someone else?? Bennett realised that it was not Donnelly but a more than surprised customer. Paul was by then sitting in Bennett?s office and was only told of the escapade when a very embarrassed Bennett had finished long and grovelling apologies in the foyer. The moral of this story is caveat emptor ? buyer beware.
PC Squealer isn?t sure whether this amounts to the sporting world equivalent of selling one?s soul to the devil, but the dizzy array of IT companies that sponsor football clubs reached new heights last week when datacoms supplier Total Network Solutions signed up 1996 Welsh FA Cup winner Llansantffraid FC in a quarter-million pound deal. The price to the team for this seemingly beneficial act of corporate goodwill? Llansantffraid FC will henceforth be known as ? wait for it ? Total Network Solutions FC, and without any hint of irony, sent Squealer the press release confirming this fact. We wonder if West Ham is suddenly inspired to take a leaf out of this book and rename itself Qwerty Cockeneys FC.
Wired magazine has a few helpful hints for Apple about how it is to be saved from mass destruction. Here follows a selection of Channel Talk?s favourites:
Buy a song. Last year it would have been Respect by Aretha Franklyn. This year, maybe it should be Ain?t too Proud to Beg.
Pay cartoonist Scott Adams $10 million to have Dilbert fall in love with a Performa repairwoman.
Get Ben & Jerry?s to name a flavour of their ice cream after you. Suggestion: Apple Silicon Chip Supreme.
And from PC Dealer?s very own John Oates: Rename yourself Papaya and launch an aggressive marketing campaign in the South Pacific.
Dad rockers U2, we learn from Look Multimedia, sold 2,000 copies of their latest album, Pop, over the internet, thanks to the application of data mining. The response in the young and happening PC Squealer office? ?What the hell?s data mining?? So here are two lessons for eager marketeers. First, to liven up an intrinsically boring subject with references to popular culture tends to have the effect of making the boring product look even more boring. Second, if you must use pop stars to lure in the punters, make sure they?re not over the hill. Give it up.
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