Partner programmes may be a more boring affair than an evening spent watching Crown Green Bowls with John Major, but with their familiar Gold, Silver and Bronze structures, at least everyone knows where they stand with them, right?
A few years back, the more smartarse of the vendors began tinkering with this tried-and-tested format, adding Platinum tiers or even replacing the precious-metal system altogether with slightly more experimental categorisations.
Let them experiment, was my attitude, until I read of the latest partner programme overhaul from Nutanix, an exercise I can only imagine was led by an intern.
The storage vendor - no doubt keen to appear edgy and forward-thinking - is now re-categorising its resellers as ‘Master', ‘Scaler' and ‘Pioneer'. It's still unclear to me which of those three is the highest level.
I draw enough blank faces from my customers when I'm attempting to walk them through the concept of hyperconvergence without having to address why I've been designated a partner status that makes it seem like I'm circumnavigating Antarctica.
No s**t Sherlock
In a long-overdue development, the TV-watching habits of managed services providers have finally been scrutinised by vendor Datto.
According to the business continuity vendor's survey of 400 MSPs globally, MSPs' favourite shows include Game of Thrones, Peaky Blinders and Black Mirror.
In an equally alarming finding, MSPs generally prefer Star Wars to Star Trek, with the force very much with 66 per cent of respondents, compared with the 34 per cent who are more partial to Klingons.
These stats formed part of Datto's annual State of the MSP report, which also found that the average MSP worker is male, is aged between 40 and 49, commutes to work by car and views recruiting talented staff as a major problem.
Other gems unearthed by the report include that Ursidae carnivora are partial to defecating in timberland and that all pontiffs are of the Roman Catholic persuasion.
The sight of someone accidentally fumbling their smartphone and then blaspheming as it hits the concrete and shatters is all too common in modern society. Thankfully, this unholy vision could soon be a thing of the past, if recent reports are anything to go by.
According to the Guardian, glass-maker Corning has developed a new version of its Gorilla Glass that it claims is twice as likely to survive being dropped. This is the firm whose glass is used in both iPhones and Samsung devices.
It survived an average of 15 drops from 1m on to rough surfaces in lab tests. This compares with 11 for the previous version.
"With breaks during drops being a probabilistic event, the added compression helps increase, on average, the likelihood of survival through multiple drop events," explained Dr Jaymin Amin, vice president of technology and product development at Corning.
This is fantastic news for me, as I could do with something hard yet unbreakable to lob at the collection of ne'er-do-wells I call a sales team when they don't hit their targets.
As a student of history and anthropology, I have always been fascinated by the shifting relationship between the ruling elite and wealth.
Kings and queens of yesteryear went to great lengths to flaunt their dough and ensure their appearance was as different from the serfs they ruled as possible.
Today's super-rich, in contrast, just want to blend in and be like us, or at least be seen to be like us.
For evidence, I refer you to the recent comments from under-fire Tesla inventor Elon Musk, who last month hit out at "the media" for referring to him as a billionaire (technically they are correct: according to Forbes, Musk was the planet's 53rd-richest person as of February, with a fortune of $20bn).
Musk's beef was that the term billionaire has become vulgar, arguing that "ironically" it is "almost always meant to devalue and denigrate the subject".
I have a similar issue with my local press, who are always calling me a very different ‘b' word in their coverage of Dodgi's exploits. I can only point out here - as I have done numerous times in court - that the faulty ventilation system in Dodgi HQ was installed by an outside contractor.
■ Dave Diamond-Geezer, director of Digital Online Deals and Global Integration (Dodgi) of Dagenham Ltd.
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