David Diamond-Geezer (during the week, MC Sickkk Flowz at evenings and weekends. Braaaaaaap!)
Career so far Serial entrepreneur, me. I started with an anaesthetism business, but we went under. Then I headed a crew of deckchair dismantlers – until we collapsed. I set up Dodgi in the early 1990s and it’s been sunshine, roses and servers ever since.
If you could be anyone else for a week, who would you be and what would you do? I’d be me, circa 1989. Orient got promoted, Soul II Soul topped the charts, and the east London glitterati dubbed me Don Juan de Dagenham with good cause.
Cloud – friend or foe? Cloud is kinda like a younger, prettier, nicer and more popular sister. You pretend to like her in company, but, behind her back, tell anyone who’ll listen that she’s got loose morals and questionable hygiene.
Has 2011 been as bad as everyone said it would be? Orient reached the 5th round of the Cup, England are the world’s best at cricket and Dodgi met investors’ expectations with a suspiciously huge fourth-quarter growth surge. It’s been a stonker.
What would you have as your last meal? Having been a vegetarian for 20 years, I think I might have an enormous platter of grilled endangered animals. Reckon I’ve earned it.
Who would you like to be stuck in a lift with? A lift engineer. With loose morals and questionable hygiene.
Have any of your predictions come true this year? I predicted I’d get balder, fatter, richer and wiser. Prediction success rate stood at 50 per cent.
What do you see as the channel’s biggest challenge in 2012? Getting their hands on Stone Roses tickets.
What is the best part of your day? 9.01am. We make all tardy employees do 20 laps of the car park, regardless of weather and physical impediments. The look of resigned loathing in their eyes tells me I’m running a tight ship.
