Channel talk

As always, a good time was had by all at last week's MacUser Awards. In true MacUser style, everyone drank copious amounts of booze. There were reported sightings of Jon Molyneux, Apple UK managing director, strutting his stuff on the dance floor like John Travolta. Or how about Apple PR manager David Millar competing with Molyneux's secretary to see who could get their skirt/kilt up the highest? Millar later complained that he had to spend the entire evening fighting off girls trying to put their hands up his kilt.

He declined to say whether he was a true Scot.

There was also the story of a man who tried to impress some of the girlies by sliding down the banister.

Unfortunately, he slid off and broke his arm. To add salt to his wound, the girl he was trying to impress had attempted the daring feat earlier in the evening, without any injury to herself.

And as you can imagine, several people got to know each other that night, in the biblical sense. According to hotel staff, there were various items of clothing left behind the morning after the awards.

These included Batman underwear, a pair of stilettos, a jockstrap and a silk red shirt, size XXL. If any of these garments belong to you, give the Hilton a ring - ask for lost and found. Or if you know the owner of the Batman underwear, then definitely give us a ring.

But the star of the evening was a special award given by MacUser to - surprise surprise - Motorola. You know, the company that had its licence pulled by Apple after only 12 months in the business. As the speech went: 'This company has helped stabilise the market even though Apple changed the landscape of the clone market.' To say that the Apple table was quiet at this time would have been an understatement. Well done to MacUser for its bravery.

Talking of Apple, the manufacturer's warped sense of humour was evident on its Website last week. In the run-up to the so-called big announcement by Apple, the manufacturer put up a biscuit, a shopping trolley and a screwdriver to show off its new chip, internet site and build-to-order strategy. But some dealers have thought of different meanings for them - when the cookie crumbles, Apple is off its trolley and screwing its channel.

Rumours continue to abound on who is to fill the role of Lara Croft, the well-endowed heroine of Tomb Raider, in the film of the game. Top of the list is Liz Hurley, who has all the attributes of Lara - two-dimensional and definitely two-breasted. Other contenders are Sandra Bullock and Demi Moore. The other mystery is the fate of the Lara single, widely publicised at ECTS but since missing in action. Are they waiting for the Spice Girls to quit?