Forget the Beast - Mark finds Dutch TVs scarier
Snoop welcomes back an old friend and finds himself in a select groupat ECTS.
Snoop was overjoyed to see the reappearance of his old mucker Tony Pickup in the UK's high streets. The ex-Future Zone supremo is launching a chain called F1 which will sell Formula One merchandise the length and breadth of the country.
The retail maestro has superb timing. He's launched a chain called F1 (first stores opened on 14 September in Leicester and High Wycombe with two test stores running in Woking and Northampton) at the same time as the Playstation game F1 is crowned the fastest selling CD-ROM game ever.
Snoop will recommend that Tony stocks that game instead of following his natural inclination to fill an entire wall with the racing game equivalents of Pele, like Mexico 86 for the Sinclair Spectrum by US Gold or Ferrari Grand Prix Challenge from Flying Edge.
Snoop should also note at this point that Electronics Boutique, the cosmetic surgery version of Future Zone, has finally launched its u99 Playstation trade-in offer. Snoop trusts the indies aren't primed and ready with their impossible to sell 12 knackered games and a dodgy old SNES, ready to trade them in for a shiny new top selling console.
But Snoop is getting ahead of himself and should fill you in on ECTS tittle tattle. THE Games announced the UK price and arrival date for the Nintendo 64 to a very select audience - so select that even Snoop was surprised at the level of security. Retail buyers, software publishers, journalists and other industry notaries were assembled at the Copthorne Tara with instructions that no-one was allowed in after the strict 6.25pm deadline. THE's tight security had already proved itself before the deadline when an under-cover agent from Sony tried to slip in by announcing himself as Alan Wellsman, PR manager of Sony Computer Entertain-ment. Security saw through this devious double-bluff and Alan was asked to leave as legitimate guests were asked to take their seats.
But security excelled itself when Rod Cousens and Greg Fischbach of Acclaim, staunch supporters of N64, turned up just after the doors had closed.
They too were denied entry, because, they were told, the door squeaked and would distract from the presentation. Rod and Greg left none too pleased.
"All our retailers and developers are important to us, but we stated a precise start time and we had to stick to it," was THE's official response.
A THE sacrificial lamb was dispatched to Rod Cousens the next day.
As for ECTS nights ... Mark Fisher, Pinnacle account manager, was on a company binge at top eatery Planet Hollywood when he spied three attractive Dutch females and immediately went over to do his bit for a European union.
The tall blonde trio decided to move on but as a sad indictment of Pinnacle salaries Mark couldn't afford to tag along. Just as well, for in spite of his boss Peter Sleeman trying to desperately to lend him the readies, it transpires Mark wasn't really up for some transvestite action.
Visitors to Anglia Multimedia's stand at ECTS may have noticed the abundance of wildlife - and it wasn't all on the Virtual Safari CD-ROM. Apart from the python making the most of every photo opportunity, the stand was crawling with insects. "The bugs seemed to be coming from the exotic plants decorating the stand," said one visitor. "Insects kept appearing on the keyboard and on my notebook while I was looking at Virtual Safari. It made for a very realistic setting."
Rocket Science's new partner, Mondadori, has a logo which looks distinctly Masonic - the A resembles the dividers and set-square symbol, trademark of the Masons. When asked about such a connection, Mondadori officials said they were being square with Snoop in saying that the A is for Alberto, Mondadori's founder. As a former member of her majesty's constabulary Snoop started rolling his trouser leg up.
Snoop took time out to visit the opening of Sega's multimedia million pound theme park in London's Trocadero centre. The Beast in Darkness looked particularly good. "Walk through the low-lit, spooky rooms, dungeons and dark labyrinths - but beware of what is lurking behind you," read the blurb on the invite. After a tedious 45- minute wait he finally arrived at the end of Sega's dark passage where a foul-mouthed yoof barked orders at him. "Ca mon mate, get in. Haven't got all day." Snoop found himself strapped into a hi-tech ghost train, equipp-ed with safety belts, headphones and visor.
"Oh no, the beast has escaped," screamed the tinny speakers, as the ghost train trundled into the darkness. This was followed by a prolonged humping sensation from behind, accompanied by obscene howls from the beast. Before Snoop had time to beat off the beast's unwelcome advances he emerged at the exit shaken and somewhat stirred. It was time to call it a day.
Snoop would love to hear from his readers, not just on issues of security: industry gossip is always useful for building files on suspects.
You can talk to him at CRN's editorial offices on 0171 316 9527, fax him on 0171 316 9519, or the electronically aware can email him courtesy of [email protected].