Channel Talk (13 August)
- Life at PC Squealer during the summer months, in-between writing our hot scoops and trips down the pub, means that we have time to look at those Web sites that you wouldn?t normally have time for. One that cannot be missed is the Azlan European Support Services site (http://195.152.141.36/). If you visit the site you can see ?exactly what is happening in Azlan?s technical support? department. Watch with delight as the curtains blow in the wind, how the rubber plant stands proudly in the corner and if you are really lucky you will get a pony-tailed techie walking into the office. However, the quality is not so good: if people move about, they seem to get their heads cut off. Still, it is jolly exciting Web site. Mind you, it could be quite interesting to see what the staff get up to after hours and at the weekend if they have forgotten that the camera is watching their every move.
- Help for the beleaguered folk at Apple has come from an unexpected quarter this week. No, not Larry Ellison, but Trevor Baylis, the inventor of the clockwork radio. Our Trevor is apparently in serious negotiation with Apple over developing a clockwork notebook. Surely this is just another wind-up by the manufacturer as it tries to put its troubles behind it.
- Meanwhile, talking of Apple ? what PC Squealer can?t work out is why a Compaq PC library picture was shown on the BBC?s Nine O?clock News during the announcement of Microsoft?s investment in Apple. Surely, Auntie Beeb, you hadn?t given up on Apple altogether and thrown out all your pictures of the of the wonderful Mac, had you? Or is there something you know that perhaps we?ve all overlooked?
- The following missive was recently sent to PC Squealer from a member of staff at a certain software vendor:
- Dear Abby
- I am writing to your advice-column because of a serious problem I am facing. You see, I am a Vietnam-era deserter from the US marines, and I have a cousin who works for Microsoft.
- My mother peddles Nazi literature to Girl Scouts and my father (a former dentist) is in jail for 30 years for raping most of his patients while they were under anaesthesia.
- The sole supports of our large family, including myself and my $500-a-week heroin habit, are my uncle (master pick-pocket ?Fingers?) and my aunt and kid sisters, who are well-known streetwalkers.
- My problem is this: I have just gotten engaged to the most beautiful girl in the world. She is just sweet 16, and we are going to marry as soon as she can escape from reform school. To support ourselves, we are going to move to Mexico and start a fake Aztec souvenir factory staffed by child labour. We look forward to setting up the family business. But I am worried that my family will not make a good impression on hers, once she has a chance to meet them.
- In your opinion, Abby, should I or shouldn?t I let her know about my cousin who works for Microsoft?