Channel Talk, 14 August
Finally, the battle is over. Channel Talk's work to free Putney from the clutches of an evil megacorp has been won. This company no longer dominates the beautiful scenery of Putters and oppresses the freedom fighters within. Let Channel Talk explain. All that is visible from most of Putney at night are the three letters I, C and L on top of ICL's headquarters, also known as icy hell, by Putney Bridge. Gradually, over the last few weeks, the lights have gone out on ICL's sign until just the C remained. Now all the lights are out. Before at ICL, the lights were on, but there was nobody home. Now, the lights aren't even on.
The up and down story of the marketing department at Frontline Distribution continues. After the exodus of the past two years, the company recently brought in two people to deal with the press. It is a tough job and these people must be dedicated to cope with the never-ending hassle, questions and demands of PC Delia and its ilk. Apparently, it is such a strain that everyone at Frontline's marketing department competes to leave the office early, citing a variety of poor excuses. According to Channel Talk's best friend and confidant, Ann Inside-Source, the best laughable reasons were given on the same day. Two people sloped off in mid-afternoon claiming they had to leave early to buy pet food.
Digital Systems product marketing manager Pat Geary had a wonderful opportunity a few months ago - Digital wanted him to give his wealth of experience and charm to the US. Channel Talk's sources say he had a great time, but did not make quite the impression he hoped he would. In order to meet some nice American ladies and to have something different to offer, friends of Channel Talk said Geary took 'the eccentric Englishman abroad approach' and played the part well. 'He wore bow ties and drove around in an open-top Jaguar,' one said. 'Apparently, it did not work very well and he really blew it when his female boss in the US overheard him referring to her as 'jump jet fanny'. He, er, came back home quite soon after that.'
Technology Plc has changed its name following the advice of its parent ICL - use acronyms whenever possible.
It has become Tplc. Apparently, insiders at the icy hell subsidiary refer to the new company as if it was named after a cockney squaw. They all call it Teepee Elsie.
Microsoft solution provider and Internet specialist BIT Group has helped Tesco with its Web pages. Its latest wheeze is to publish recipes on Tesco's site. 'Come to the crunch with spicy chicken salad with lentils,' one says. That does seem a little bit tame to us at PC Delia, as part of the enjoyment of getting recipes is delivered by whoever demonstrates them. If BIT put live pictures on the Net of Keith Floyd getting drunk or better still, Jane Asher in a pinny, that would be enough to make anyone's chicken salad with lentils leap off the plate.