Soundbytes: Shirty somethings at Networks 97

That thousands of people can be induced to travel to Birmingham to spend a day looking at routers is a sign of the computer industry?s remarkable pulling power. The Networks show did it again last week.

Apparently the show is into its 17th year. I?ll have to take that on trust. In 1981, scenting trouble in the Falklands, I?d gone to Australia in case it proved necessary to dodge a draft. The attractions of that early event must have been esoteric in the extreme. SNA, Ethernet adaptors and bits of wire, I should think. Perhaps the odd Commodore Pet adapted for use as an intelligent terminal.

But people went, apparently, and they still do. But what for, really?

The T-shirts, according to one visitor, who stocks up for summer at the NEC every year. He observed, somewhat despondently, that the availability of T-shirts had been dropping off in recent years and doubted whether it would be worth the trip up from the tropical South West in future. With global warming, he sees his annual requirement in the T-shirt department increasing rather than falling away. I should point out that this man is an IT manager in real life. He is assuredly the kind of visitor such a show would happily boast about.

At Birmingham this week there were plenty of T-shirts in evidence, some thrown together with the rag trade?s equivalent of Letraset and some the product of an expansive budget. There were also some polo shirts ? and special mention must be made here of the fine Sun Microsystems garment in Silk Cut mauve. Also a number of rugby shirts and, to judge from the Charlton Athletic badge and Viglen logo, the occasional football shirt. What hoops it was necessary to jump through to acquire these garments was not a negotiation I wanted to get involved in. Perhaps it is not so much that there are fewer T-shirts on offer, but that the qualification has become more demanding.

It all leads one to wonder about visitors to the Clothes Show. Do they walk round looking for free PCs?

And why do the exhibitors go? Well, to dish out T-shirts and plastic bags, obviously, but there must be more to it than that. Many will admit quite readily that they go because they aren?t sure they can afford not to.

Microsoft and Novell decided they could afford not to this year, but they are in a special category. Both were there in spirit, with their products in evidence all over the place. Among the smaller companies, though, there is genuine anxiety about flying the flag. This anxiety spills over into the type of front they put on. Some go for Blackpool front, bright and brassy and full of attention-grabbing devices. Others are more Frinton in tone, glad to see you if you look in on your way past but loath to importune you. The contrast is enjoyable to watch. Being there is one thing; differentiating yourself from 521 other exhibitors is more of a challenge.

?We?re not a huge company,? said Marcus Vaigncourt-Strallen, MD of Singlepoint. ?So we have to make a noise, put on a show, catch people?s attention.? He achieved this with a kind of cabaret, in which four people decked out as PCs danced and sang distantly recognisable tunes in which the lyrics seemed to concern faulty modems. The troupe, incidentally, came from an organisation called Centertraining ? ?putting the show in business? ? in which Vaigncourt-Strallen is also involved. His brother was part of the act. I omitted to ask whether Vaigncourt-Strallen was a stage name.

The popular option at Networks 97 was to put a car of some sort on the stand. In some sections you could easily imagine yourself at the Motor Show. Everything from Formula 1 down to karting was represented, with at least one motorbike thrown in for good measure. To see a Formula 1 car at close quarters is to realise why fly-posting must be stamped on. To see one on a comms company?s stand at a networking exhibition is to wonder, after the fashion of James Burke, about connections. There are some; tenuous, perhaps, but genuine. I once interviewed Ayrton Senna when he was driving for Lotus, testing ? among other things ? communications between car and pit. He told me that he once found himself hurtling into a 160 mph corner talking to the track caterers. His order, he added, had been delivered by the time he got back to the pits.

Building a stand along the lines of a cafe or bar was another decent ruse employed by a number of exhibitors. This is hospitality up front, not tucked away in the bowels of the stand or glimpsed tantalisingly at first-floor level. I hope it catches on. If enough companies do it, the aisles of the NEC might eventually come to resemble the streets of a Mediterranean resort at twilight. In T-shirt weather, naturally.