Channel Talk (9 July)

• Anyone who has been watching what Compaq has been up to over the past three months or so may have come to the conclusion that it has had trouble getting its message across. The whole ?we?re not going direct, we?re not going direct, whoops ? we?re going direct after all? fiasco lost the manufacturer a lot of friends. Well, keen to build bridges in the IT press, Compaq decided it would allow a selected number of hacks to buy their very own Compaq Amanda notebook PC for less than #500. Can?t fail with that one ? bound to impress people. Well, not quite. Given that no more than 30 journalists were made this attractive offer, that left hundreds of other IT hacks feeling ever so slightly excluded from the party and, no doubt, just looking for an excuse to write nasty stories about Compaq. Channel Talk would like to commend Compaq for its prowess in the field of making friends.
• So Persona finally announced its name change this week after spending months and months of deliberation over what it should be. And the name unveiled was Ilion. Apparently ? so we are told by one employee who spends her nights reading such heavy books ? it is all to do with the Greek classics and Troy. One bright spark, however, has come up with the notion that it is really a copy of Azlan, in that it is one lion. But as Azlan?s share price is suspended, you would have thought that Persona would have wanted to distance itself from anything to do with lions.
• The Las Vegas Hilton had every intention of going where no other hotel had gone before, with the summer opening of its ?Star Trek: The Experience? attraction, complete with voyage simulator, computer games, shops and themed restaurant and lounge. But it has had to delay until the year end because of ?technical problems?. It?s a cock-up Jim, but not as we know it!
• Someone has kindly sent PC Squealer some indications of what would happen if Microsoft made cars:
• 1. They would only run on Microsoft petrol.
• 2. All roads would have to periodically be rebuilt for Microsoft cars, allowing them to run slowly on backwardly compatible roads.
• 3. Every time the lines on the road are repainted, you?d be forced to buy a new car.
• 4. Every so often your car registration details would be corrupted and you?d be forced to take your excavator off standard roads.
• 5. The temperature, oil, petrol and brake gauges would be replaced by a single ?general car fault? light.
• 6. At the first sign of a big hill the warning display would report ?insufficient power? and the car would shut down for good.
• 7. Every now and then, for no apparent reason, the doors would not open. But if you forced your way in via the sunroof or boot, you?d be able to drive your car ? albeit slowly.
• 8. Whenever you lowered a window, raised the aerial or changed radio stations, you would have to wait two minutes for the car to restart.
• More to follow next week...