Dave the Dealer on Apple's 40th

Apple passes a significant milestone, long-haired peaceniks pass the army entrance exam, and aggressive emails pass unnoticed

Still haughty at forty

As if having infinity gazillion dollars in the bank wasn't enough cause for good cheer, Apple has been in party mood this month on account of its 40th birthday.

The fruity firm entered its fifth decade on 1 April, and 6,000 employees celebrated by having a beer with CEO Tim Cook while inexplicably smug indie DJ Zane Lowe laid down some tunes. In an event that history will surely record as the moment that rock ‘n' roll died, the record spinner's set comprised a specially compiled playlist of songs used in Apple adverts down the years.

While some may frown on it, let's not forget that getting your song in a major ad can give struggling young artists invaluable exposure - not to mention financial support. So it was great to see the Apple party soundtracked by exciting emerging talents like The Beatles, Adele, U2, Coldplay, and The Rolling Stones.

Hair raising

In today's online digital information economy hyperconnected virtual world, the wars we wage are fought not only on battlefields, but online as well. And that requires a very different type of soldier - one who's a bit more Bandcamp than boot camp.

So, in a bid to attract top techie talent, the army has relaxed some of its usual regulations, and is now giving special dispensation to some cyber-expert recruits even if they have luxuriant, flowing locks, rather than the regulation "neatly groomed" barnet. They may also be exempt from other rules, such as having to pass a fitness test.

Sounds a far cry from being terrorised by a maniacal drill sergeant, à la Full Metal Jacket - a movie which, a cursory web search tells me, was filmed right on my east London doorstep, with war-torn Da Nang being recreated in Beckton.
I've got to take my hat off to the location scout for that one - who would have thought such a desolate and ravaged landscape could be made to look like Vietnam?

Snooze in brief

Stone the crows! I was thoroughly shocked to learn this week that most people aren't getting enough shut-eye.

According to hot stats from the Department of the Bleeding Obvious the Royal Society for Public Health (RSPH), the average person in the UK is undersleeping by almost an hour each night. The mean nightly kip time of the 2,000 adults surveyed is 6.8 hours. This compares with the 7.7 hours people believe they need to function optimally.

The RSPH believes the UK should implement a nationwide sleep strategy. For some reason. The body is also lobbying for the subject to be taught in school, noting that insufficient sleep can feed other ills such as heart disease and type two diabetes, and can even shorten your life expectancy.

But then again, if the key to living longer is to spend more of it unconscious, what are you really gaining? When it comes to life advice, I prefer to take mine from Jon Bon Jovi: I'll sleep when I'm dead.

Writing wrongs

There was good news recently for anyone who has to send a huge amount of emails every day to customers and co-workers but still hasn't got the hang of sounding like a remotely pleasant person in the written form.

Website FoxType has developed an online tool that enables people to test their communications for politeness, with points awarded for positive language and smiley faces (shudder), but docked if it detects elements such as self-centredness, underlying bossiness, and explicit threats of extreme violence.

The handy app - also available as an extension for Gmail - offers users suggestions on how to friendly up their missives.

I think it may need to tinker with its algorithm though, as I tried it out and got an impressive 76 per cent politeness rating for the following phrase: "you are an abhorrent person, and it would be preferable for the world if you ceased to be alive".

For the benefit of any hand-wringing, health-and-safety HR types, I'd like to clarify that I just plucked that sentence from thin air, and it most certainly was not copied and pasted from a recent email to an underperforming graduate salesperson.