Dress for success

Dave is concerned to hear his sales chief is considering fiddling with the Dodgi dress cose

I was bewildered to find out that our Gordon has been reading the recently published UBS dress code and is considering what Dodgi can take from it.

I hate to rain on my right-hand man's parade, but I'm not sure the principles that apply in the chrome corporate world of Swiss banking translate to a trading estate in Dagenham.

Male UBS employees are advised to apply "a skin cream that consists of nourishing and soothing elements". I've always been more of a soap and water and Old Spice man myself. And that's only on a Wednesday.

Other top tips include "always put on your shoes with the help of a shoehorn", "give your tie at least one rest day before reuse", and "try a new fragrance during your lunch break".

All staff at the Genevan finance house are also advised never to wash or iron shirts themselves. Now, this I do adhere to. But I doubt they're suggesting you dump the washing on Her Indoors.