Channel Talk (19 February)

• Computer store workers caught a suspected thief red-handed after he plunged through a glass window and slashed his hands. The man had ?gone beserk? after being approached by members of staff at First Computer Centre in Leeds who believed he was shoplifting. The staff thought they had calmed him down, but then he tried to escape by leaping through the shop window. He was held by two employees before being arrested by police and treated at hospital.
• Last week there was a mix-up over the financial health of network reseller Qudis. The company?s factoring firm mistakenly issued a letter saying Qudis was going into liquidation. Heartfelt apologies soon followed. The factoring company, Kellocks, was at pains to reassure PC Delia that Qudis wasn?t in trouble after all. ?It?s all been a terrible mistake,? said a Kellocks representative. ?They?re not going into liquidation, at all. In fact, they?re doing very well.? We?re all sure that Qudis will be pleased to receive such a glowing testament.
• The ISDN show, held at Olympia last week, was ?clearly wind up the gullible Americans? week as far as two notorious channel figures were concerned. While on a high from the excitement of the show, Chris Glossop, MD of networking dealer Interop Technologies, and Nick Morse, sales and marketing director of Acotec UK, were relaxing in the nearby Hilton bar. A couple of lemonades later, some passing Americans happened to overhear that Glossop was from Interop and assumed that he was involved in organising the US show. Being, as the miscreant confessed to PC Delia, ?on a mission?, Glossop proceeded to masquerade in this guise, offering the misguided Yanks his business card and some Interop floor space at ?a good rate?. He unfortunately only realised his mistake the next morning, when, with a bit of a headache, the US chappies tried to take him up on his offer.
• Not to be outdone, Nick Morse found his own American prey. Two hapless fellows from Boston informed Morse that they were trying to break into the European market, only to be told that they had come to the right place. ?We control the entire European market,? said Morse, ?Our firm is the commissionaire for all US products entering Europe.? To which one gulled Bostonian replied: ?That?s so lucky ? and I?d never heard of your operation. Boy do I feel an asshole.?
• ?Make a splash?, ?dive in?, ?take the plunge? ? Lotus? speeches were dripping with references to water at Lotusphere a few weeks ago. One VP got particularly enthusiastic. ?What do you get when you mix hot technologies, symbolised by fire, with cool solutions, symbolised by water??A driving force of steam and energy which is either Lotus or a handful of cliches. Sounds like they went just a tad overboard.