CHANNEL TALK - PCSQUEALER

THOSE CRAZY HORSES

How appropriate that one of Salt Lake City's most famous exports, Novell, has found room in its ranks for a member of that other great Utah export, The Osmonds. Managing Novell's global technology-based training division apparently gets Aaron Osmond's adrenalin pumping more than the singing and dancing that's seen his uncle Donny and auntie Marie hang around in showbusiness long enough to have their kitsch 70s TV variety show revived as a touch-feely 90s talk show.

Even the eight cousins - all sons of his uncle Alan - who, as the group Osmonds 2nd Generation, have had the privilege of playing support to no less a band than New Kids on the Block, have failed to inspire in Aaron a yearning for fame. Instead, he has chosen to scale the dizzy heights of software training and certification as a career.

We just hope the rest of the family gets a discount on Novell products as a result. A cheap licence for NetWare 5 would no doubt come in very handy for managing their ultra-sophisticated Website.

(TELL ME WHY) I DON'T LIKE DEE-LAYS

Not content with the #6 million he is estimated to have pocketed when Big Breakfast television company Planet 24 was sold to Carlton Communications last month, Bob Geldof is backing an internet venture to land him his next fortune. The ex-Boomtown Rats crooner and Live Aid organiser is helping launch an internet travel company that promises to offer the cheapest flights and holidays on the Net. Deckchair.com also has input from James Page, one of Eidos' founders. Essentially, deckchair.com will be a search engine that pulls together all sites advertising the cheapest flights, and was thought of by Geldof when he became frustrated after trying to book a flight online. We're not suggesting that Mr Geldof is naive, but we suggest that it will take more than a new search engine to make the internet less frustrating ...

WHAT SKILLS CRISIS?

We have further proof that the youth of today are taking it upon themselves to single-handedly sail the country out of the current skills crisis.

Following our recent revelation that 12-year-old Carly Dicken had completed an introductory networking course, we now present Omayr Fahmy, who has become the world's youngest Microsoft Certified Professional in Windows NT4 at the tender age of 13. Our Omayr, who's a year eight student at Brondesbury College in north London, has taken over from his brother Huthaifah as the youngest MCP. Huthaifah was three years older when he achieved the MCP standard in July 1998. Omayr had to retake the exam following his first attempt, admitting that it was harder than he thought. We just hope Omayr won't have to wait until he's 21 before he gets the chance to become certified in NT5.

INDIE BIKING

While taking a quick breather from the recent indie event in Nottingham held by the National Association of Specialist Computer Retailers, one of our intrepid reporters was confronted by one of the odder visitors to the conference. A gentleman of advanced years sitting astride a bicycle which looked like it was a close relation of the penny farthing came skidding to a halt in front of the main doors, close to where Squealer's man was sitting on a wall. Following his demand as to whether the conference had 'anything to do with cycling', he disappeared to see what 'booty' he could 'liberate'. He was seen 30 minutes later with just about every freebie going, attempting to balance his swag on the handlebars. What he intended using the UPS for especially aroused PC Squealer's curiosity.