Wired for sound cards

'This is a cost-effective way to train your employees without compromising your network. We really do focus very much on business applications of what we do,' says Cris, who works for RealNetworks. Her company is responsible for RealAudio, the people who make the audio player you download so you can listen to Cartman from South Park singing 'Kyle's mum's a bitch' on your PC.

Of course, that's not a great selling point when you're chatting to the IT director. So to recap, streaming audio and video allow you to take part in interactive real-time multimedia applications to create a more rewarding experience from using a PC.

Cris really would have liked to show me how this could be done, but she couldn't find the exact bit she wanted in her list of demos. So instead, I opted for another business application that had sneaked onto her system, which was called GoGaGa Radio.

Well, that's multimedia for you. For a decade now we have listened to people telling us how multimedia will change the business landscape, how technologies such as big speakers on the side of your monitor aren't just for messing around, they're for serious business applications. And we all agree because we know if this multimedia thing takes off, we get PCs at work that will have a decent sound card, and that means that playing Heretic after work will be much more rewarding because the death noises sound that much better.

This is why multimedia must be stopped. It's making office life much too pleasant and also cutting into our store of excuses, for example:

Girlfriend: 'Where have you been? It's 1am.'

You: 'You wouldn't believe what a busy day I've had at the office, dear.'

GF: 'I don't. I know what it is.

You: 'OK? I'm having an affair! Is that what you want to hear?'

GF: 'If only! You've been on that Quake server again, haven't you?'

You: 'God knows I tried to resist but our office PCs now have 3D graphics accelerators and the quality of sound from the speakers, you really have to be there ... Ow! Stop that!'

However, if we are to undermine multimedia, we face a formidable foe. Did you know that RealNetworks now has 32 million registered users? Can you imagine the violence that would be unleashed if we denied just a few interactive gamers the opportunity to shoot things at lunchtime? It's a good job that I'm not afraid to stand against multimedia.

In this I have some influential people working behind the scenes. Next time someone downloads the RealPlayer, casually mention to them that if they go to www.liveconcerts.com, there's streaming video of Deep Purple any time they want it, freely available. And if that's not a compelling argument against multimedia, then I don't know what is.

Tim Phillips is a freelance IT journalist.