Taken at Face value

Rumours of Facebook's demise prove greatly exaggerated. Dave marvels as idiots everywhere breathe a sigh of relief

I was delighted to see this week that, as if it were needed, indubitable proof arrived of the web's awesome power. To galvanise utter idiots everywhere.

Millions of suggestible worldwide webbers were undoubtedly deeply relieved a week ago to find out that Facebook is not shutting down on 15 March. Like a moron-seeking missile, the rumour had veritably exploded after being posted as a story on the Weekly World News web site. (As I write, other top headlines include "Megan Fox is a man!" and "Obama on new dollar bill".)

"I don't care about the money," Mark Zuckerberg was quoted as saying. "I just want my old life back."

OMG! WTF?! SMH...Soon, thousands of Facebookers were queuing up to express their unorthodoxly spelled despair.

Laments included: "Don't be a coward..I mean you are Zuckerberg ryt??So be the man once again!!" and "Plz dont shut down facebook,wher r w goin 2 contact our frendz again*sad*."

Well, quite.

Thankfully, the whole thing was a canard. But I'm worried about what will happen when those social networkers find out Pat Sharp has stolen the internet and will ban everyone weighing less than 14 stone from using it...